An Odyssey of Creativity and Wisdom: Day 19

one thousand words daily

Driving across the Bay Bridge to a meeting in the Jag.  Direction & Drive!

Day 19: new year cheer – direction and drive

self defined...

         I would like to call myself many things, many great titles to attribute who I am and where I have been.  Words such as Counselor, Writer, Poet, Artist, Father, Community Builder, Influencer, Healer, Photographer, Philosopher, Naturalist and Survivor are merely some of what pop up when it comes to hashtags I use.  I am as I am, a writer and storyteller by nature as well as a healer. I have called myself a Conduit, Visionary, a Reminder and let my new books, once published, tell more as of what type of dynamic dude I really am.  For now you will have to read these blogs I write and posts to get a sense of who, Sekou really is.  I empower others to be better; do better as well as live healthier in many aspects of their own lives.

            I am no established “Life Coach,” “Health Coach,” or any of those new titles, as many who know me and have worked with me know that I am a whole lot more than one or two titles can define.  Being a reminder of past things, accomplishments, historical stuff I call myself a historian yet I want to do more.  Sometimes I am reminded myself that I have all of the attributes of a leader, yet know that a good leader must be a good listener as well as be very organized. It doesn’t help much that my name means “Wise Leader,” as this is what I have been reminded all of my life by my parents.   My goals now are complicated yet simple to some degree, as I simply want to succeed and plant the right seeds in the right places.

          I want the harvests from all of my hard work to benefit my children, and for creatives, finding viable outlets to express as well as to make a living can become a task if the right avenues and resources are not set up.  Of course we should work hard and diligent towards anything which we truly desire, especially if it makes the quality of life better for us as well as those we care for and love.  In this blog I’ll chat a bit about personal successes, stresses as well as endless possibilities which we can visualize as well as together… dream.

a beginning and an ending

          Last year let me tell ya, was a hell of a year for me in more ways than one.  I was rocked with mounds of hard to face news from family as well as some life changes which affected the way in which I was able to care for myself and those I care for.  I was forced to resign from a job which I built, that no longer valued my input and knowledge (in other words, these guys just didn’t have the knowledge, insight or instinct of how or what to do with me), my son and his mother moved to Las Vegas, which makes it a little more difficult for me to see him.  My Jag blew one hose and fuse too many so it’s now parked in front of a friend’s house. My van (#rastavanancy), which I live and sleep in with my fiancé, is experiencing its own issues so I literally must do what I can to keep that on the road and safe for travel.  About a month after the job ended, we found out that although my fiancé had a permanent procedure for birth control done four years ago, that we were soon to be expecting a miracle baby. 

          I can talk about so many other things yet what is important is that I now, on top of being disabled and homeless in a van, have a zillion reasons that fire up my determination and cause a brotha to wake up at odd times, writing or thinking.  My disability was denied yet for a fourth time yet I have a meeting tomorrow with a representative from Social Security and I will try my best not to rip them a new asshole!  I have found myself telling people a lie recently.  The lie is that I… “Just do not like people that much.”  The honest truth is that I do not necessarily have an issue with people per se as much as I have with the expectations that I place on others.

being content is the least of it...

          I like people, I mean I honestly really do!  Just because some do not share the exact same values as I do does not mean that I need to get angry at them or result to blaming.  Exercising my faith in my Creator solidifies my bond with my fellow man regardless of what they do to me or others.  Through simple reasoning and understanding, we can indeed, know our place in all of this wonderfully beautiful experience we all called life.   So what if my knee swells up to the size of a grapefruit, ankle the size of an orange or if I run out of gas money,  I have lots to be thankful for, so much that I have accomplished and so much more that I have yet to complete.

          In early Winter I completed a book that began as a short story I titled Robin and the Red Tailed Hawk.  My son learned to swim as well as windsurf with my father.  My new son in utero is healthy and is kicking a lot.  I heard from a couple of publishers and that fired me up to hit the grindstone as that was some of the fuel which has recently helped me organize what I need to submit.  One of the things which keep us motivated to do more or be more is our drive, our personal commitment to excellence and the life we desire.

direction and lots of it, plan “a,b,c,d” and :e,f,” and “g” too,     if you need to…

          Having a clear direction helps us know where we are headed as well as gives us an idea of what to expect.  No matter what the outcome, when concerned with performance and the diligence and persistence had, is that we ourselves openly acknowledge who and where we are, and that we find some type of promise or “faith,” which keeps us grounded on our paths no matter what might come up!  Aside from having Direction and Drive, we must remember to be positive and be the “Hell Yeah,” that we hope to see in others and can visualize the “Fuck YES!” that we hope to get once our tasks are accomplished.  We can, at times find ourselves being our worst enemy and our worst critic so remember to give yourself a break and be more of your best friend instead. 

strive, build, stay true to you and survive…

          We are not perfect yet every day we can always strive for the better, in what we want to see, in what we want in our lives as well as who we want to become or be to others.  We must find faith in something other than another person, an object, a mechanical or technical device as well as find faith within one’s self.  If trust is what we hope to find in others than we must first establish a strong moral base, so that no matter what happens, that we ourselves remain as solid as the titanium in these legs!  I know that I have been busy with my book writing as well as my health stuff so please forgive me for not posting more and enjoy this fresh poem I am leaving you all with.  My advice for you this New Year is foremost, stay true to you, for you must wake up every day in your own skin and walk the path to a future which only your feet can carry you towards.

In ancient days a wick and a candle held the light needed to guide at night

Mariners looked to the stars, using well the compass and astrolabe

Having to find the means to make a living along with the will to survive

Paths look different to each of us in our own journeys

Some cobblestone to dirt, concrete, smooth basketball court to perfect waves to surf

Finding energy to press on does not come freely for many we must fight

For freedoms, dreams which have been shared and seen or

Purposes grounded in parenthood, promises and others, finances and production

WE hope for lives filled with joy, void of confusion and corruption

When tornadoes of prosperity and greed blow past too close

Taking the very breath we need through its powerful suction

Others have people which feed off of them like the leeches families find attached to skin

Once they have crossed troubled waters for a better life

So that neither one, nor more children with brilliant dreams truly gets left behind

Becoming the reflections of promise their ancestors as well as ours have hoped for

Clearing the air of all chemicals, man-made smog and wildfire smoke

Then it will not matter whether the grass is green or the waters warm

As skies are painted the brightest of blues and

We will eat from what our carefully planted seeds have sprouted into although…

How we decide to make a trip to the destination which waits solely for, is up to us

Walking in harmony along the grounds of the legacies we have built with care and love

Sight 

1-6-2019

An Odyssey of Creativity and Wisdom Day 20

one thousand words daily

The kid inviting the rainbow.

Day 20: teaching tomorrow (The Children)

               cultivation station: remaining positive

               Are there sounds of happiness which reminds you of good times?  What does Hope look like or sound like to you?

               Insomnia is a friendemy of me, (both friend and enemy).  I get some awesome burst of God-given creativity, pain wakes me up or I have to pee.  Life can send you on paths you in no way prepared for or paved yet, if you want to stick it out through this crazy fun-filled dance we called “Existence,” remember this… that “Struggle is never an option.”   Some type of “Struggle,” is eminent for us yet we can always decide how we view our surroundings, others we encounter and situations we find ourselves in, yet to view it as a sad way of life is not normal.  Positivity is the life-force which leads seeds into sprouting after a fresh rain.  The same goes for the cultivation of our minds and the minds of the youth.

               As I rise before the sun, a blizzard of thoughts blows me back into the past I knew, the person I am now as well as what I know to be possible as well as impossible.  With E-40’s song “I’m Just Happy to be Here,” in my brain blazing trails for a new day, I can’t help but be thankful.  We have multitudes of things we can do to pass time, change things, and keep on living life as it is or be rebellious and think outside the box of how you choose to define this life and your existence.   Although there are factors and things which influence our days and take us to an avenue or situation that we can in no way control, we must stay strong and hold firmly onto this life-saving force called “Hope.”  Being a parent definitely influences my thoughts, as decisions I make are not merely for me but for those I love.

               This daddy as well as relationship thing is serious, for no matter how I’m feeling, I must remain positive as well as hopeful for those I want to see smile.  I cannot let my downsides and bad days influence others so it’s not that I’m ignoring all of the negative factors which I face daily, it is that I am remaining to look at the brighter side of things and be positive, you know, the “Glass half Full,” approach.  Thanks to my genes, my kid loves music and plays instruments, so into the playlist he goes, surprising me with which songs are his favorites.  From the sweet and romantic “Heart and Soul,” song to Stevie Wonder’s “Isn’t She Lovely,” to Sir Mix-a-Lot’s “Baby Got Back!” this kid definitely likes the classics.    Now I’m groovin to Digital Underground’s “Humpty Dance,” and glad that the boy likes a beat that I, his dad made on the computer with the demo program "FL Audio," aka "Fruityloops." Link below!

https://soundcloud.com/ku-the-conduit/sets/beats-to-grind-to

               All of these cool things I see in him as well as his song choices makes me smile as I know that I have not lead my multi-talented son wrong.  I remember when I met Shock G..  He was in the stands when my folks Bill aka “Flo Stone,” was putting together his album with Young Fool R.I.P., J-River and some more  and was asked if I wanted to contribute and be on the record label, who at that time was owned by an acquaintance who now owns the cannabis distribution company 1212 Distribution.   One thing we must all do in life is gage what we deem is this goal we hear of called “Success.”  I write about this subject a lot in many different ways for one strict reason.  That reason is that throughout our lives, and especially in our young lives, we are force-fed messages by our societies as well as those close to us of what success is, what it means and how to achieve it.

we must do more…

               Sometimes we go beyond expectations of others and sometimes we do not.  Because of the weight of choice, free will and the small increment of time we are given to live this short span of breathing called existence, I know that everything we decide to do and every path we take, whether self-chosen or chosen for us, is time sensitive and must be done with care and wisdom.  No one goes to a job fair seeing Ron Jeremy at a booth, Elon Musk, or the top traders of stocks from the New York Stock Exchange at a booth now do you?  We don’t see a gentleman from some insane organized crime child trafficking ring with a booth or a counselor from a drug rehab place there telling you how wonderful the job is. There are so many determining factors which hold influence upon our financial as well as social growth, whether we notice it or not.   

clear from the git!

The kid leaning and mastering windsurfing at Sherman Island.

               What we all experience from childhood to an adult determines how we are to exist in the future days ahead as well as what happens to those we take care of.  We can point the finger and play the blame game or we can stop now with these thoughts after reading this and do something about it! Some might say that because of the lack of education (the sad state of our public schools), lack of financial as well as lack thereof cultural or social insight (from the institutions serving us) and lack of wisdom demonstrated,  is indeed why our students do not have a good educational standing fresh out of high school.  Some might look at the environment around us as well as the often strange political nature, social nature of our society and the media (which is supposed to be held responsible to cover current events about our political climate as well as the natural environment in an honest way in order for us help plan our lives) as the problem.  We cannot let the hopelessness, lack of creativity and narrow resolve of those in power to tell us what to do in times of crisis.

               The situation is dire that we ourselves must provide clear definitions of what success means to us and how to attain it. We must be the news broadcasts for our kids and we must have the courage to strike up conversations about morality to see where their heads are and what exactly they are soaking up without us there.    This also means providing alternate educations to our children other than the usual school day has in the classrooms, for we are their most influential teachers; their first teachers!  How do we do this?  One way is by creating an atmosphere of understanding, love as well as having open communication with honest rules and expectations, (for ourselves, those we love and for our children) we can begin to provide a positive place for growth no matter what weather might come. 

the seriousness of trust

               As our children become mirror images of the teenagers we once were, we see ourselves sometimes developing different strategies to reach them.  As the natural family issues arise from drug abuse to a death in the family, the seeds of hope and understanding we have purposely planted will not “Protect,” our children from harm but will indeed season them for the dynamic individuals which they will grow healthily into, proving to all of us who exactly they are!  I know that I am not a perfect father yet also know that my son knows where the love and truth flows from and most of all, I know that he trusts me.  The trust from a child to a parent is as important as knowing how to drive properly or how to wipe your own ass.  Trust is essential in receiving information and computing what we have heard for our own judgment and formulation of opinions.

               I think I’ll leave y’all with a poem now.  I can write about all of these morality things until my carpel tunnel acts up and I know that I need to write another blog on, the Comfort of Trust.  All of this here is way over one thousand words! Enjoy!

Folks I know, know the perfect way to put the devil in a choke hold

One part Love with two parts an abundance of Understanding and Truth

Where I’m from, there is no book box which might have “How to be the Best Dad,”

You will find no “Rich Dad Poor Dad,” on the streets or

“Tools Used to Build a Brighter Future,” only discarded needles, sutures and broken glass

Any parent raising children in a suburban warzone can feel this

Perhaps we all do when folks prove well how they’ve got screws loose

Even this poem is too mashed up in truths and places which might show where those fallen stocks go

While hope flows still like the invisible Amazon River I heard about in the stratosphere

Wasting nothing, no seconds, no second servings or solutions to have to deal with

We strengthen our bases, stare straight into greedy faces and academic hopefuls while Raising Realness

As questions surmount to displace even some of the new truths which we have also found

We must talk more, hug more, brain-storm more until we all get brain-farts to the core

Building foundations which might not survive like the many species currently going extinct

On a rapid level we must build a new network of hopeful thinking every second of every blink

Wondering how we are to raise them without the treasures which we once had

No longer there these morals and gifts, must we seek new ways to reach and teach as well as fight back

For the waters are rising quicker than they can build the levees and

Much too fast than the best crafting plastic machine can print body bags

Time is upon us to be thankful as well as knowledgeable of its passing as time goes

When there is no land present, only hopes in heaven when flames are on shore, we must stroke!

Teaching youth ways of resilience, love, tolerance and engines of ingenuity

Preparing them for worlds we might never live to set foot upon or see

Knowing that some of us too require to be re-taught what might have been long forgotten

When skies grow rotten as well as the fruit

While thousands grow hungry from un-reaped harvests which we failed to properly distribute

Asking for more from us, from their silence alone, we must in turn be more for everyone

Hoping for love when our child first looked upon us, know that we are their first Sun

Bringing the miracle of warmth in a world getting warmer with climate yet colder in hearts

At home it begins for some while in the streets for others it unfortunately starts

Raising Realness & Hope

1-31-2019

An Odyssey of Creativity and Wisdom Day 18

one thousand words daily

I took these shots from Bilal's video "Soul Sister,"
and many years ago vowed that when I got my place, that this would be the wall art!

Day: 18 – there is no apology for existing nor should there be.

if there were… you would never find this man doing so or following in any behavior that belittles or shames the gift of my complicated being.

–S.M. Black

            Life is Beautiful, and Black, will Always be the “New Black.” Black will never go out of style and…

                                                           

Black Will Be Forever Beautiful!

our reality

            Imagine being told not to love by default, that love, just as mercy and empathy, which should course through our consciousness, is instead taught to you as being weaknesses instead of important threads which hold humanity and communities of people together?  Imagine the whole society you grew up in from place to place reminds you that no matter what, you will not matter if you do not jump exactly how they jump and that beauty is only determined by the famous, Hollywood, or an ideal standard. Imagine being constantly being fed images and messages that riches is only worth the family that you are from, that yours does not matter, and that people, as in the general public do not care what goes on with your family, that they might be part of the “problems,” we all face.  Imagine your teachers telling you that covertly as well as in straight forward ways?  This is the past and present which I contend with, with every breath, all of the time. This is the future that I will fight for my unborn child as well as the beautiful children I have here facing such opposition now! 

 a simplified response

            This is in response to the opposition which is the opposite of what I talk about and do.  I love others to the point where it somehow ends up biting me in the ass however I fear no one nor do I fear anything crawling, flying or manifesting!  Thus this is a direct assault against ignorance, lack of justice, lack of empathy, Evil and Hate!  Days ago a Jewish synagogue was bombed and many lost people they loved dear.  Folks were just going to worship God in their own way, to be taken out by the opposition of love, hate!  If you hate another person or hate yourself for any reason, stop now!  My longer response, I’m saving for a book.

the task that gives

            Forgiving others, or on the road to do so does not mean that you have to forget your transgressors, just simply forgive (which ain’t that simple sometimes), which is logical to do since we are not perfect and will never be.   Don’t for one moment think that I will fail to defend my own family or that I might forget the folly’s folks do against us.  Will I hate them for their ignorance? No, I will not.  Instead I will remind them in my own ways, fighting in many common ways others do, which do not include violence if it can be avoided. 

            Some protest, some run for office and organize while I will speak and write truths and stories many purposely choose to forget or leave out for one reason or another.  Should I hate my political system for their lack of effort and blind eyes? No, I will love, refuse to turn the other cheek this time, and fight with all of my might, the wheels of justice, while offering community, togetherness and love, silencing hate in the process.  No matter who you are, I feel it is of utmost importance for you to feel comfortable being the person you were crafted to be.  We were once taught that our environment alone is to be attributed to the dynamic individuals we are today.  What we have learned since, thanks to genetics, studies in sociology as well as from observation is that who we are and how we have become is a lot deeper than many can comprehend. 

our existence

            The miracle life is more precious than all of the riches any king can even dream of having for himself or his lands.  Life just as time cannot be taken back no matter how much we try to manipulate it.  Just like when we throw a dart to a dart board, there is a target and once it leaves our hand, no matter how we aim it, it will travel and hit somewhere.   Such is the gift of life.  But what exactly do we do when we are fed messages that we don’t matter, that our struggles are in vain and that our own very lives are but to be “Units of Production,” and can at any time be compromised?  When we experience such opposition at the workplace, we either decide to stay and endure the abuse, assuming that this is normal to be “Let go,” at any given time since we are told that “we are replaceable!,” or we look for work elsewhere in a better environment when we find the time.   You and I… we are unique in every facet of our being, in who we are as well as in what we can accomplish alone but most definitely for what we can accomplish together. 

            Remember that you are no accident, that it takes some special type of love to grow.  As I have stated many times, even the weeds that grow in-between the cracks in concrete need the love of water or morning dew to sprout forth.  What happens when there is no water?  Those weeds eventually die, withering dry and blowing away before even being able to sprout seeds of their own. We all require some sort of opportunity or chance in order to stay alive.  To be able to believe what you want to believe, achieve what you want to achieve, and think what you want to think without the negativity and backlash associated with failure, pain, and misunderstanding, sometimes we are forced to fight.  Luckily for many, love has conquered more in sharing thoughts, feelings, dreams as well as financial insights than all of the bombs ever launched, bullets that have left barrels of guns, arrows shot and swords wielded.

            For the sake of being you, I toast to all of your dreams accomplished, all of your successes known as well as personal, as well as toast to the wellness I hope for all of you to have, in life as well as in having a healthy and happy family. I for one find myself having to fight for myself constantly as well as for the young family I must protect and watch out for in many ways.  My son is with his mother this Halloween and thus, due to her new beliefs, she will not be taking the children trick of treating.  I am not okay with her decision yet I am powerless at this point to do anything about it.  What I can do is send all of my love to my son until we meet soon.  I’ll include a poem for you below to add to the flow.  Enjoy and have a happy as well as a safe Halloween!

On this night of all hallows, many we cannot see will venture out and thrive

As spirits once loved have visited on their day of the dead

Pagans practice with their squashes while some Christians watch in horror

Children grab candies while some grab children giving tricks instead, yet

We become afraid of the monsters we know of that we can in no way control

Remembering well the transgressions and actions which cannot be reversed

But who truly knows the current cost and weight of the human soul?

While many cover themselves with costumes to allow their wild side to break about

Others let out the ugliness inside as well as the true them that they can no longer hide

Becoming as wild as wild they believe they can get away with

Drinking spirits while taunting ones as well that the wise know better than to play with

We when lonely seeking kindred souls when lonely to hold close and lay with

Can we become more aware of our impact on our planet and others than what is expected?

Truth stands as tall monuments just as tall trees do after wildfire has passed through
Tall and dark without branches some still stand sadly to remind of times past

Igniting fires in the heart as a start along with the jack-o-lantern flame tonight I hope

With lives that pass between the eyes during our existence leave a deep impact

Eventually as ours also with memory does not leave with merely ashes and smoke

So we condition ourselves accordingly in a world filled with patterns, and repetition

Creating community with no void nor distance can suggest

Giving light to dark situations with understanding, positivity and love as our mission

All Hallow's Reach

10-31-2018

An Odyssey of Creativity and Wisdom Day 17

one thousand words daily

That mantis that was cool w/ me.

I went outside before I left the other day to get a closer view.

I got a clear shot of her... thorax and my wrist. I've still got the gift!

Day: 17 nature, instinct and trust

               To say that I have more faith in wild animals than I do in the human genome is an understatement but I’m holding on y’all, like a man holding onto a stop sign in a hurricane, I’m a holdin’ on!  It has always been that way even as a child noticing the inconsistencies in human nature yet the absolute perfection in nature around me.  Can a trust the nature of a wild animal more than my next of kin or more than a human being? Hell yeah!  The reactions of a wild animal are predictable, for we can see their uneasiness in the hair bristles, body language and furthermore, being who we are, some of us have a gift or a certain knack which prevents such bad things (such as animal attacks and stabbings) from happening.  I can’t say the same for those wild animal tamers, people that train animals for circuses and for Hollywood, and idiotic human beings that purposely provoke others but I have always had a calling to help living things in need, from things that crawl, growl to things that wildly sprout.

Swollen leg of three days with skin graph.

               I feel rest assured that in my short span of life that I have gone far and beyond what my calling has asked, yet I am still prepared to do more if able.   Today is a new day filled with some type of resuscitated hope.  I told myself that since swelling in one leg refuses to go down, that I was going to stay in bed until things got a bit better and pain resided, at least enough for me to walk on two canes better and with more ease.  I saw a new doctor the other day with hopes that things would change but she wants to see blood work first as well as new X-rays, then return in three weeks, with no pain meds for now. Let us take note that I have no history of drug use, nor I am not a tweeker like these folks I flash on here in the notorious Central Valley of California.  I just explained to her that I filed a grievance with the previous provider and sought an alternate opinion.

hop with the best 

               Why did I see a test for HIV on my chart to send to Quest Diagnostics? Should I tell this ignorant immigrant lady (I wanted to say something else) my history as a Prevention Case Manager, Medical Case Manager and HIV Medical Case Manager, or just act dumb and bite the bullet, wasting my time and just let her figure things out, slowly.  No, I should be quite right, as my fiancé put it, that would just make me look like an asshole however at this point, I’m just sick of folks insulting my intelligence. She failed to ask whether or not I have had the same sexual partner for the past six plus years amongst other pre-screenings that would set me up for such a test but like many Africans (except for my African friends I bet) suggest and as I have heard “African Americans are promiscuous, Black men are bad fathers and Black women are loose,” are the stereotypes I have heard while I was on the East Coast… from African folks.  Did I prove them wrong!

               Aside from the medical bs, I was compelled to write this post after a thought this early afternoon about family and for this I am glad that they, family do not read this blog.  My initial thought was “Why didn’t my father raise my brother and sister,” which was a very much fucked up thought of mine.  I’ll tell you where it came from.  My pops has been very “Black Power,” to the core and community driven, yet my brother and sister do not have the heart like I do.  As my pregnant fiancé and I went to the Tracy Public Library to set up our computers to do our thing, I, who decided that it would become too hot in a Rasta van to just lay down and rest my legs for hours, decided that it was best to go inside and complete a book I have been working hard on.

               I just didn’t know if I would be able to walk from the parking space into the library in my present condition.  As I work my difficult legs up to the task, I notice my pregnant fiancé with heavy computer walking out fast.  I ask her what happened.  She explains that after she set up and started up her computer, she was asked to leave due to a group that needed to use all of the desks (a group of mentally disabled) which is fine, however, she wasn’t the only one that had to stop and leave, without notice.  I immediately got upset and mentioned about my siblings. 

option for success is… no rest

               My sister helps run an organization that has shared workspace, yet we cannot afford to pay for the both of us to sit there, perhaps one, but not both.  We are constantly flabbergasted and blown away when folks don’t stand up for us as we would stand up in a heartbeat, without question for others.  As we say in The Bay “It is what it is!” Even E-40 has a song like that.  So forget my pain from all parts of legs, calves, heels, shins, feet, and stinging, burning, pulsating, knees hurting, going out on me to almost falling down many times during the day… it ain’t shit.  I literally have to fake it till I make it. 

My beautiful fiance posing for the camera.

               What about when you have already before made it, started non-profits, even cannabis companies, helped hundreds yet do not want to once again break it hahaha.  Here goes something, back to this book I go!  Let’s toast to faith of a mustard seed and making the very best of it regardless, right?  People say no pain no gain well, for me right now I am in the thought process of no pain, no $$$ gain.  Although one doctor at Santa Rosa Memorial, I think his name was Muhammed Ali (seriously), had told me to “Sekou, try to go to the pain, not through the pain.” 

At this point in my existence with a ten year old that is treated like the third wheel with new babies around him, my fiancé with five kids and her ex won’t even answer the phone for us to speak to and a healthy miracle baby of ours in the oven, what choice do I really have? I would love to have the finances to pay for the wedding she wants as well as the house, office or apartment we need but for now, I will have to rely on complete strangers and God, not family (they help to some degree, I am thankful but have explained that for their reasons cannot help me out of this one), and that’s just how it is. I can bless y’all with a poem fsho! Here’s game spit I must emit in poetic form once mo. Just take a glance below…

Demons snarl in contempt when their contingency plan goes south

Sputtering curses, growls, the foulest of sounds and with that, slobber and smells from their mouths

When a man’s best nature cannot be withheld, he

Draws his sword with one accord upon the promise that with even while pimping his pen

His swift might with the angel’s sight will be felt

Pain knows no tolerance as hell know no furry as the woman he protects

As babies that leave this Earth much too soon wait to hold their parents who

At the same time work understanding time given and the waiting in-between to hold them once more

We decide on our own what things mean and how exactly we are to handle things when

Things fail to add up and when handles on old schools fall off and windows fail to roll up

While mosquitoes gladly fly in sucking the blood we hold to keep warm for another day

Praying for strength others will never have even in ten thousand seasons

Excuses float on toxic oceans of shame as we see ten thousand reasons

Babies see none of this, nor do children as all they want to do is play, be loved and dream

Work must be done still under our Creator’s given burning sun

Even if cancer is allowed to come along with the climate change and so-called unforeseen pain

We create conditions persistent with the mission of smiles and forever thanks

Due to the promise of new life as hope resides forever regardless of death

Amongst syringes, man-made diseases, false reasoning for greed and amongst the sharpest of shanks

No Permission to Squash Opposition

10-19-2018

An Odyssey of Creativity and Wisdom Day 16

one thousand words daily

Who dat is? That bandana is really dope though!

Day 16: the tides

          As I rise before the sun as I do many days for one reason or two. This reason being intense pain in both legs and not simply insomnia, I say a prayer of gratitude, for that’s only the best attitude and lay out a plan of many things I must do.  My day doesn’t differ from others much except that I have to navigate my surroundings in particular ways from how and where I decide to drive to where I decide to take a step.  With determination in my mind, pain throughout my body and love in abundance in this tired heart, I embark on a journey which leads me to this post.  For days I have had plans to write, with many ideas such as the crazy dreams I have been having while in slumberland, dreams we hold as individuals all the way back the dreams of our parents.  For today, at least just for this day I will talk about my dreams as a successful writer. 

Two of many manuscripts in the works

plans and detours

          My plan was to finish typing from manuscript, the second chapter to a book I once started yet got stolen once one of my laptops and belongings went missing, along with a car rental a year ago.  At this time I was just learning to once again walk yet had organized most of my writings… without using a good flash drive or online cloud drive to save things.  Boy did I learn a hard lesson.  Today I completed that second chapter of The Lioness, a very surreal yet detail oriented dream I once had many years ago before my son was born.  I never forgot this dream nor the impact of it.  This dream was like a sign of things to come, a promise from our Creator that “There is something specifically meant for you and you alone.”  I wanted to square away some ideas from that dream, so that I could begin with task number two of today; complete my book of Robin and the Red Tailed Hawk.

 

          Although I had to start from scratch (think of a DJ scratching a classic Hip Hop record) with The Lioness and although I was once between four-six chapters deep in beginning, I think I’m off to a great beginning, setting a realistic pace for myself as well.   Robin and the Red Tailed Hawk, transformed from a short anecdotal story I once wrote on a lost/stolen manuscript into a magnificent work of art, with enough imagination and wisdom for a book to fill.  It’s a trip how things turn out, right?  Who knows if I’ll be done today, as I have a few illustrations I would like to do from my mind.  My overall goals now are to complete between two to four books before this year is done. I find it difficult enough just to walk to the bathroom now or to my vehicle if I forget something, like the power chord to this computer. 

positivity and getting it in: a short history of me 

As I take that stroll, with sharp mind, flag in my back pocket, sike!!! a dinner towel I got from a gas station with mason jars on it I use as a bandana, having Jimmy Cliff’s “You Can Get it if You Really Want,” playing on repeat in this crowded brain of mine. I know I have many miles to still go regardless.  As far as that rag, or flag thing goes, I’ve been on that grown-man shit, my hustle since I first decided that I was a man (say around 16 and ½, 17 or so). I’ve been a counselor of many sorts since: starting from a Street Outreach Worker (street counselor), Health Educator to a Prevention Case Manager, HIV Test Counselor, Drug Rehabilitation Counselor for youth, Medical Case Manager, Soldier for Truth and Gang Counselor at “Rock in the Hood,” (something my bro Flo began as he got his life in order and was given a way, a supreme outlet to uplift others,) I reflect on success.  From Health Education, before as well as after the accident, I turned into a progressive and very hungry Cannabis Consultant, starting many things, influencing the game and helping hundreds, perhaps thousands in many outright as well as unseen ways.

A pic of me from the New York Times conducting Outreach & Testing... in Manhattan!

          Being a visionary ain’t easy and I’m not even trying to be cheesy. I now write and I’m cool with that. There’s a ten year old that wants to spend more time with me, also a child waiting to be born into this world with my genes attached, therefore hope for many reasons resides here!  With assistance unseen from the divine or concrete such as the amazing support and compassion shown from my fiancé, I can only be thankful.  As this gentleman sitting across from me offers to assist with plugging up my laptop, with my legs on “Damn,” mode, although there are troubles in the world that piss me off, I can only be hope-filled and seek solutions within my reach.  We can all shoot for the stars to say the least.  We can plot and plan throughout all of life’s twists and roller-coaster turns. What matters is how he choose to go forth with we are left with, how to handle the situations presented to us, whenever and however they come on a plate or platter.

take chances yet choose wisely

          When given an unbelievable opportunity or a stroke of insight which benefits, we are encouraged by others to “run with it,” like a wide receiver that instead of running far with arms wide open, took the hand off and the yards he could take.  When we sense the tide rising or falling we have but a few choices; stay there and deal with the waves, which will pass, swim, paddle or boat to deeper water so we don’t get stuck in the mud or get the fuck out of the water, period!  Some folks have opinions which differ such as “I wouldn’t have been in that water in the first place,” adding, “I don’t know what’s in there?”  Why be afraid to get a little wet, I mean, it’s bound to rain some muthafuckin time so… live with it and enjoy what life it brings.

          This reminds me of a dream I had the other night. In the dream I was visiting a community of folks that lived on the water, on a river somewhere:

          As the dream changed quickly from good times and laughter to immediately dreary, the water soon rose, causing massive flooding which some could not escape.  The owner, or elder in charge of one property, which had its own dock, had the task of what to do with the bodies of the deceased.  He did as his neighbors did and tied and wrapped up his deceased loved ones one by one, letting them float with a small weight attached to their legs so their head barely touched the surface, at least until the waters receded.  As I swam in this dream, yes I had to swim in the flood waters at one point; I remember small bubbles being around each of the submerged bodies. I have yet to pull the meaning from this realistic dream but it’s all good in the hood! Now to do a poem for y’all that had courage to read and get back to the task at hand, completing my book.

Thick murky waters rise ever so high regardless if we can swim

In a places that for the decisions we have made

Refuse to run dry

As toxic refuse floats along with lost dreams

We once again look for answers and a way seeking refuge

Amongst real folks, those strong with deep foundations and dry land

Realizing mistakes must be made we..

Building businesses, relationships and friendships upon loose shifting sands

Then we wonder how it could have happened

What must have I done wrong if any

Prolonging the electric change we are meant to create as well as participate

Knowing hard lessons learned, hold as much gold as money earned

Perhaps then we will learn to plant in better soil or

Swim up river where the waters are fresher and

Dig the foundation of our houses miles away from

On higher ground from the levels of the seas

For, we will arise, standing up proud with integrity held and dignity

Seeking no pity whether we are tall or broken down to our knees

Praying for justice some can do while

Others build differently each for the heavens for that hardcore miraculous substance

Building and moving mountains where others meager foundations have failed

Materializing dreams into reality, making believers out of the most hectic of skeptics

Showing the many ways in which having faith prevails

The Tides

10-16-2018