Friday, October 19, 2018

An Odyssey of Creativity and Wisdom Day 17


one thousand words daily
That mantis that was cool w/ me.
I went outside before I left the other day to get a closer view.

I got a clear shot of her... thorax and my wrist. I've still got the gift!
Day: 17 nature, instinct and trust
               To say that I have more faith in wild animals than I do in the human genome is an understatement but I’m holding on y’all, like a man holding onto a stop sign in a hurricane, I’m a holdin’ on!  It has always been that way even as a child noticing the inconsistencies in human nature yet the absolute perfection in nature around me.  Can a trust the nature of a wild animal more than my next of kin or more than a human being? Hell yeah!  The reactions of a wild animal are predictable, for we can see their uneasiness in the hair bristles, body language and furthermore, being who we are, some of us have a gift or a certain knack which prevents such bad things (such as animal attacks and stabbings) from happening.  I can’t say the same for those wild animal tamers, people that train animals for circuses and for Hollywood, and idiotic human beings that purposely provoke others but I have always had a calling to help living things in need, from things that crawl, growl to things that wildly sprout.
Swollen leg of three days with skin graph.
               I feel rest assured that in my short span of life that I have gone far and beyond what my calling has asked, yet I am still prepared to do more if able.   Today is a new day filled with some type of resuscitated hope.  I told myself that since swelling in one leg refuses to go down, that I was going to stay in bed until things got a bit better and pain resided, at least enough for me to walk on two canes better and with more ease.  I saw a new doctor the other day with hopes that things would change but she wants to see blood work first as well as new X-rays, then return in three weeks, with no pain meds for now. Let us take note that I have no history of drug use, nor I am not a tweeker like these folks I flash on here in the notorious Central Valley of California.  I just explained to her that I filed a grievance with the previous provider and sought an alternate opinion.
hop with the best 
               Why did I see a test for HIV on my chart to send to Quest Diagnostics? Should I tell this ignorant immigrant lady (I wanted to say something else) my history as a Prevention Case Manager, Medical Case Manager and HIV Medical Case Manager, or just act dumb and bite the bullet, wasting my time and just let her figure things out, slowly.  No, I should be quite right, as my fiancé put it, that would just make me look like an asshole however at this point, I’m just sick of folks insulting my intelligence. She failed to ask whether or not I have had the same sexual partner for the past six plus years amongst other pre-screenings that would set me up for such a test but like many Africans (except for my African friends I bet) suggest and as I have heard “African Americans are promiscuous, Black men are bad fathers and Black women are loose,” are the stereotypes I have heard while I was on the East Coast… from African folks.  Did I prove them wrong!

               Aside from the medical bs, I was compelled to write this post after a thought this early afternoon about family and for this I am glad that they, family do not read this blog.  My initial thought was “Why didn’t my father raise my brother and sister,” which was a very much fucked up thought of mine.  I’ll tell you where it came from.  My pops has been very “Black Power,” to the core and community driven, yet my brother and sister do not have the heart like I do.  As my pregnant fiancé and I went to the Tracy Public Library to set up our computers to do our thing, I, who decided that it would become too hot in a Rasta van to just lay down and rest my legs for hours, decided that it was best to go inside and complete a book I have been working hard on.

               I just didn’t know if I would be able to walk from the parking space into the library in my present condition.  As I work my difficult legs up to the task, I notice my pregnant fiancé with heavy computer walking out fast.  I ask her what happened.  She explains that after she set up and started up her computer, she was asked to leave due to a group that needed to use all of the desks (a group of mentally disabled) which is fine, however, she wasn’t the only one that had to stop and leave, without notice.  I immediately got upset and mentioned about my siblings. 
option for success is no rest
               My sister helps run an organization that has shared workspace, yet we cannot afford to pay for the both of us to sit there, perhaps one, but not both.  We are constantly flabbergasted and blown away when folks don’t stand up for us as we would stand up in a heartbeat, without question for others.  As we say in The Bay “It is what it is!” Even E-40 has a song like that.  So forget my pain from all parts of legs, calves, heels, shins, feet, and stinging, burning, pulsating, knees hurting, going out on me to almost falling down many times during the day… it ain’t shit.  I literally have to fake it till I make it. 
My beautiful fiance posing for the camera.
               What about when you have already before made it, started non-profits, even cannabis companies, helped hundreds yet do not want to once again break it hahaha.  Here goes something, back to this book I go!  Let’s toast to faith of a mustard seed and making the very best of it regardless, right?  People say no pain no gain well, for me right now I am in the thought process of no pain, no $$$ gain.  Although one doctor at Santa Rosa Memorial, I think his name was Muhammed Ali (seriously), had told me to “Sekou, try to go to the pain, not through the pain.” 

At this point in my existence with a ten year old that is treated like the third wheel with new babies around him, my fiancé with five kids and her ex won’t even answer the phone for us to speak to and a healthy miracle baby of ours in the oven, what choice do I really have? I would love to have the finances to pay for the wedding she wants as well as the house, office or apartment we need but for now, I will have to rely on complete strangers and God, not family (they help to some degree, I am thankful but have explained that for their reasons cannot help me out of this one), and that’s just how it is. I can bless y’all with a poem fsho! Here’s game spit I must emit in poetic form once mo. Just take a glance below…

Demons snarl in contempt when their contingency plan goes south
Sputtering curses, growls, the foulest of sounds and with that, slobber and smells from their mouths
When a man’s best nature cannot be withheld, he
Draws his sword with one accord upon the promise that with even while pimping his pen
His swift might with the angel’s sight will be felt
Pain knows no tolerance as hell know no furry as the woman he protects
As babies that leave this Earth much too soon wait to hold their parents who
At the same time work understanding time given and the waiting in-between to hold them once more
We decide on our own what things mean and how exactly we are to handle things when
Things fail to add up and when handles on old schools fall off and windows fail to roll up
While mosquitoes gladly fly in sucking the blood we hold to keep warm for another day
Praying for strength others will never have even in ten thousand seasons
Excuses float on toxic oceans of shame as we see ten thousand reasons
Babies see none of this, nor do children as all they want to do is play, be loved and dream
Work must be done still under our Creator’s given burning sun
Even if cancer is allowed to come along with the climate change and so-called unforeseen pain
We create conditions persistent with the mission of smiles and forever thanks
Due to the promise of new life as hope resides forever regardless of death
Amongst syringes, man-made diseases, false reasoning for greed and amongst the sharpest of shanks

No Permission to Squash Opposition
10-19-2018