A Blog Forgotten

Take this smile and know, that somewhere...
there was some parent beating back harsh winds and praying back forces we can't see with our naked eye, for all of the battles that they themselves knew they only had strength to endure and tomorrow they only held hope, yet no cure for the ugliness they knew was soon to come.

I'm the type of guy that would never let a controversial holiday go like May 19th Malcolm X's Birthday, Memorial Day or day without some sort of uplifting, muck-stirring, or heart-wrenching post about life well, my own has had it's share of ups and downs and my focus has not been in social media or the media. Now as the winds howl shaking the last fledglings from their nests and our loved ones are comfortably in their beds drifting hopefully into a well deserved rest, I think of so much as seasons pass.  I drive pass old stomping grounds like Coyote Point, see friends from high school and my old street in East Palo Alto and begin to see how much things change yet stay the same.

I think about the slaves, my educated parents in their old age and all the dieing bees I see at the beach on the shore at the end of their life's journey. I think of the first nations, the Native Americans, broken promises, my ancestors. I think of my own responsibility of protecting my son and the things and people that have pass and come. I think of my short comings as well and the ways I've been experiencing heaven as well as been living in Hell. All of us experience many Unspoken Battles, however within we see and begin to know many Triumphs as we seek and are also offered solutions, given Victory and begin to carry with us the Hope Which Prevails.

I watch old flames die out as new ones re-kindle and start a blaze such as Louie, Jelly Brooke and their new bundle of joy as they both got recently married and decided to start a family together.  With difficulty comes breakthroughs yet with heartache I've witnessed love and birth with friends Michael Boris and lady Natalie as they just had a beautiful baby Summer Rose. I see a post about my friend Leon about his son passing which tears my heart, I can't even imagine what he's going through. All I can do is pray and offer help. My friend Jabari calls me a few weeks later telling me his lady is in labor. When the time is right I offer to swing by although an hour away or so drive to at least see the child.  Today I see a post that Mr. Gurley, a respected elder and minister in the community has passed. He was a very loved man and very kind to everyone that came by his home that was respectful. I appreciate him and he raised his children, my friends quite well.  There are two weddings coming up, which unfortunately I cannot make.  Good news is a friend's son who was in a terrible accident like I said was in is home now and is doing great. The power of prayer people! I just found out my childhood friend Antwon and his wife just had a healthy baby girl on Memorial Day so a big congratulations to them as well.  We must create the conditions wherever we see fit, no matter the weather and strive towards excellence and for those priceless smiles.

Some days we are called to do more than what other days require. Sometimes we don't know what that is or what exactly we are capable of yet we do it, we rise to the occasion, stand, demand, meet and conquer the challenge with an unknown courage and with a strength within that we sometimes question the source.
Many things remain uncertain for us still however, if there is chance that tomorrow you are granted opportunity to rise to greet the sun... or the clouds and cough loud the n do so and be a little bit proud for the battles you've won. Just sayin!

Shifting weather patterns confuse men
Like women whose ways stay mystery
Although we create what we overly consume
What words have already been written
As paths have already been chosen and
Words that have already been dangerously spoken
While we wait no more for hearts to feel pure or mouths to be fed we
Wait no more freedom to come or for cozy bed we
Struggle til hustle becomes us completely
Love til understanding engulfs our meaning deeply we
Have got no choice left but to salvage for us in savage storms so
I open my arms when the clouds come
When the wind blows wild my heart races to catch up and
Rain is the welcoming of a new beginning
As summer comes to a Spring ending
Death sheds it's shroud softly as wedding bells ring in new destinies and
We some of us are left still with struggle yet
Nothing close to heavenly
We are told we will rise above, tougher than nails
When rains still make ground fertile
Battles are fought yet we are left with
The Hope Which Prevails

Congratulations on being a new father also Stoner Sowell!

Get Right 101 aka "Git Rite 101"

Let me try to entertain you with a little word from the wise with what those I know refer to as a little bit of "Git Rite."
Step 1: Begins with a preparation of a meditation to "Get Yo Mind Right!" Whether it be spiritual, meditation or even some choose relaxing herbal medication, which with some mouth watering munchie persuasion would lead you to...

Step 2: Diet is super essential and important, as if we don't get this right and get our bodies in balance, our whole focus might get thrown off. We must seek wiser food choices whenever possible and available, farm fresh or close to. I know first hand how difficult how hard it is to eat healthy and maintain a healthy lifestyle, especially for more than one, but we must Be the Standard of Excellence, The Example of Solidity and Solitude for our children for they have nothing else. If we want for our families and communities to feast we must provide the nutrient-rich atmosphere in every aspect, Especially for Black children. Who else are their real heroes...Obama? Jesse Jackson, Michael Jordan?  Please!! Let me continue this Git Rite Session before I teach y'all a completely different lesson.

Step 3: Excercise of body & mind.
I glanced at these stairs at Mt. Helix and thought. "Hell naw!" And did I go up those steps... "Hell to the naw," but I did work my way around that hill with my cane, I do know my limits, I was much too sore from other stair climbs other days and I had my fair share of excercise. Today while I went to the store I had to choose like everyone has to, mine was whether I walk all the way to the other side for the motorized cart or walk to the back of the store, which is probably the same length. When it comes to other situations in life, we must choose. The song "Ooh child Things are gonna get a bit easier" came on and hit home like a ton of bricks. I had a plan and I acted. Even when it comes to what we show others and how we excercise our minds. I bought some books recently off of Amazon, with intention to share them with my son and my pops remembered them from when he introduced them to me as a child. Time to order more!

Step 4: Plans & Actions, Implementations With Foundation- Chess is a game my son has learned to play well, as he has retaught me with a strategy of his own.  We must use the strategies that best work for us when figuring how to succeed for ourselves and our families. A great destination might look nice but a solid foundation will keep us strong in the long run.

All struggles come to an end and all things hard to see come eventually into light, so when we're given a second chance, the opportunity to dance in the rain once again and to succeed and achieve where once we've thought we have failed, we must give thanks for the triumph. We must then...

Step 5: Prayer, Give Thanks Session, Debrief, Celebrate!! Acknowledge that you have made it this far, that there still will be storms ahead but that you have reached your milestone!   And with a little bit of Hope, Faith & that fuel that moves mountains that can't be explained we begin to see where we're going a bit clearer and bring those we care for along for the journey. So begins the quest for a new beginning for the next Baldwin, Carson, or Eldridge Cleaver but I'm more of a soldier of a writer, not your average smooth sailing of an avid reader...are you game?

Both people and spirits knew also
To steer clear yet it wasn't fear they said
Once he came along
Mind focused with a game plan
Known to cut you or take your head off
Where you stand playing your favorite song

Walkin on solid ground
Man don't mess around
Slaying hell hounds and demons
"We've seen 'em"
Cries the child's with bright eyes
As babies can't revoke their grin and
Animals once untamed loose control within
Men from grains and cloth aren't like this
"They don't make man like dis no mo"
Says Sweet Maybel halfway out her bliss
Then she remembers a man she almost loved
Around the edges a little soft but much too rough and
What needed to be done by many
When times were nothing close to plenty
Back then felt a little much like it do now
Instead of Whole foods and Albertsons
She had a mule and a plow
Perhaps solutions this fellow will help draw nearer
Straight to the point with no bullshit
As she prefers her water...
Like sky after the fog dissipates...
                                 Clearer

Solid Ground

Choosing to hit the back country roads like I used to and introduce my fiancé to old pines and manzanitas I used to walk through as a child I find instead a graveyard of remnants of a forest holding on from fire and drought. I then think of the redwood tree and yucca plant and how a little fire never did too much harm, one having thick bark to resist flames and the other needing intense flames to help it seed.

Sometimes after the intense firestorms that engulf us or harsh storms that destroy everything in their path or ones that flood our realities and scatter our focus, we find ourselves searching for solid ground to once again build a strong foundation. One question realistic, sometimes cynical question we raise is "foundation on what?" considering what we know and what we have just previously experienced. It helps to be positive, always looking ahead, while reaching into the places, people and teachings that kept you solid thus far to carry you into the next season of accomplishments. I know many shy from religion however I use stories from all cultures to convey the message. Are you familiar with the story of Noah and the Arc?

Noah sent off a crow as well as a dove to check for himself as well as perhaps give his people hope that they could soon leave the Arc after a long journey.  First the dove 'found no place to set her foot,' and returned to the Arc. After seven days he tried again and at night the dove returned and in it's mouth was a freshly plucked olive leaf.  Oftentimes we find ourselves needing to lean on a whole lot of faith as well as empirical evidence of what has worked for us, family or even ancestors in the past. Sometimes we have to revoke all false hopes, cut all loose ropes and secure more solid lines in turn leaving some ideas, habits and even people behind however, more in focus and in tune with the path we were originally meant to walk in the beginning.  If we look close at our situation like this photo above with the building, we might notice that we are already close to top of the world and that promise... see that rainbow in the distance? Sometimes we don't see the blessings in forms when the winds raging against us and we're simply trying to move forward and sometimes we do and we're still overwhelmed. 

Throughout my own battles, storms, automobile accidents and stuff all I can do is recoup and give thanks. I've found myself close to where I began, around the same networks of individuals in the SF Bay Area where my foundation was rooted and started. I attribute my knack for ingenuity aka hustle, Game and my solid views on life from everything I was taught as a child up here, raised by Street Scholars and Revolutionaries seriously. My foundation was in rapping on the corner of Michigan and Fordham and at Jack Ferrel park with friends or in the back seat of a 68 cougar parked in a garage full of smoke, but tonight I'll leave you with a poem and try my best to keep it short. Some folks though have little strength left, are too broken or tired, or just might need a little prayer, push or hand up... so my next blog will be Get Right 101 because some of us need some "Get Riiiight!" (MacMall song in the 90's)

He clears his eyes of the dust stuck to his lashes

Brushes off the rubble he sees on his shoulders

As he finds the thoughts to piece together 

What his eyes now sees and

What he knows to be real

As he witnesses two small unidentifiable creatures run on fours disappear from sight

This house he was sold was young he was told

As he heard after the first rains the walls Creek

Then seeing the sight of the paint weep and mold

Deadlocked into decisions Deathslock of an incision yet destruction is nothing new to him

No stranger to struggles, mind is his muscle wisdom within and he knows...

Although the building wasn't made firm 

There is still bedrock to build upon below

Bouncing Back

And I will rise up like an eagle, spread wings freely and dare to gaze into the sun!
Bouncing back if anything should be a subject I'm quite familiar with and should have no problem talking with you about right? Truth there is, is no certain, particular way, nor formula for doing it.

If I could mold my soul into the essence of those big little silicone and rubber balls I give my son, I wouldn't have an issue with bouncing yet the courage it takes for us just to stand in the middle of the storm when weight is upon us
 can be overwhelming.

Life has a way of shedding light on things and definitely on adding to character, which I've found much of which attributed to my accident and the way in which those I know have changed around me.  Perspective and the the grounding of a person's morale nature are what keep them solid. I've gained much in the perspective category I believe. Solidity, come see how solid I've become! Unfortunately I can't say the same for others as I've watched relationships change and crumble during this difficult time, marking a definite clear path I'm meant to walk, with a deep foundation!

Bouncing back for me takes courage! To look people in the face, to demand your place, to fight for others while fighting for yourself... takes courage and lots of it. Folks question my intentions and actions constantly, test my seriousness and ability to come through and perhaps whoop their ass as well so yes, up out of this wheelchair I am!  Yes we might loose things or things might get taken from us (Loved ones, I almost lost my life in October, all of my things and writings n laptop stolen last week) but we are bigger than things and our circumstances. We are life! It takes courage to press on into the unknown for what we don't expect can occur, yet Faith is what will carry us to safer waters and beautiful shores and Hope in the smile from an innocent child is the fuel that will get us there.

Determination

                                           

                                                                     

Some roads, we know exactly how we've ended up there. Often times we are called to make dramatic leaps of faith, sometimes without knowing how strong of a foothold we'll end up on or without knowing how much ground we might gain.

We often pull from whatever experiences or teachings that best suit us when making decisions that can affect our future yet whatever wisdom we have gained is put quickly into action as the tasks of living demand.      

                           

What is it about you today that makes you that much more stronger than you were yesterday or perhaps a day before?  What is it that makes this hour much more crucial than the same hour at the same exact time yesterday?  We ourselves find ourselves questioning, when we're in a crunch, pressed with the responsibility of caring for another, even when we feel as though it is us that need the help and begin to question if there's anyone else better suited for the task.

Well me, for I can say my reason is right in season and nothing far from divine. Taking action, I chose to see it not as a task, but as an adventurous journey, like yearning for learning... how to walk, eat, whistle, and then perhaps the ability to jump and run for a second time.  When given a second chance, sometimes we're very much caught up in the funk of the moment, too stressed to see the offered solutions or that someone on your behalf have already paid restitution... for success I have found is the best retribution! And love the most available and effective remedy.  How will you rise?

As I take my son to the movies and facetimed with him I see the innocence we miss. I see the simplicity as his smile stretches Infinity and mine hangs short with a realistic look into the camera of "You better make this work, for him or else!" Sometimes we can be our best friend however often we become our worst critic and worst enemy.

My determination I find is not only fueled by the smiles I have seen but for all of the promises and smiles yet to be seen. For all of the awesome experiences he will choose to remember as I as a boy have many I chose to forget. Determination for me covers so many things, as I'm determined to put this book into many languages, as it took bravery and determination just to get it done, as I am determined to have at least one full night of sleep with little pain and make my woman smile forever and never weep. It is difficult to remain determined with hard factors against you but you must! What are you determined to do? What fuels you?  I will dance again someday when my legs are able, I will hike mountains with my loved ones, no... I will move them! I've left a poem below for review, it's been awhile.

What indoctrinations or statements 

Could transform me into a monster?

Mindless sentinels conduct tasks

Much too dirty to do alone

Perhaps too greedy to lend a hand or ask

 As questions we ponder without action

Asked if we'll jump at the gun

When evil is conjured we evade

Like a high-speed chase of the soul

Not knowing that by not standing...

We are leaving room for bad contingency

For the enemy to grab ahold

Much like a child breathing harsh existence

With no love, arms or love visible to console

So damnit I've managed to give to live

So I what I've got

To be there through the storms

Although the ground often feels shaky and Walls, they fall down and rot

As I find that the position I'm placed in

Is nothing short of amazing

While I incorporate everything I love

Crafting it magically for the love of others

Once pacing with worry and heartache

Now evil runs to escape & the fake stutter

Using the fuel of what remains in dreams 

Going hard never soft yet forever I'm gentle

Praising the Creator for gifts given

Reminding that love is alive and has risen

Never again masking myself for 

The ill-prepared and takers of truth

Passing on wisdom with purpose

Without concern yet accountability as it hits them

Building an ever-deep foundation for us to learn to dwell inside and live in

Those once controlling will hope I have forgiven them

As we begin with the task once thought simple

The priceless cost of a smile and

The empathy to understand another soul

Passion Detrimental

Safe Passage

As I rounded the neighborhood on foot with a couple, well, more than a couple of pens for the Pen Pimp in hand and pocket, I gaze as I blaze at the sights, looking for a nice place to sit so that I and my lady might find the opportunity to write, I see the police.

This story can take a couple of dips and turns, as my lady reaches to find her ID to enter a bar later, seeing that they have an outdoor patio in the back and perhaps a well-lit area for us to relax. She cannot find her ID and I know why I try to keep mine, the same reason why my mother got me one when I turned age 16... because I'm a Black man living in Red White & Blue Apartheid.

Perhaps it was my choice not to walk down that street he was parked on, as I continued my way, with my dank cigar filled with Harle-Tsu Cancer Fighting Cannabis to relieve anxiety and an approaching migraine I always try to avoid with herbal help and not merely pharmaceuticals by themselves.
The patrol car makes the slowest turn, as I notice his questioning gaze from his either, Asian or Latino face, it is I who profiles him, and I pierce his soul with my eyes as he is forced to maintain his path to the 163 freeway and drives right on by.  But what could he say as he was looking for trouble and seeing a lovely couple walking with art supplies and a laptop?

I mean, the blunt was nothing close to this big... but I as well as my partner are Black so perhaps that was enough of an alarm for him in this part of town in Hillcrest.  Maybe he recognized my face from my advocacy and outreach back in the days because I have been stopped recently and thanked.
Regardless I have been that spook behind the door, the quiet doorman, the patient waiter as well as the catalyst for change.  While others have chosen a route of less resistance, I have battered down the hatches and remained in the storm, with restraint. I now look for folks to help me expand a business I'd like to begin with some very unique healing strains, it all takes funding so hey I can't complain.

So goes to show family and friends a blog of a different type as I open eyes as mine grow closed with the cannabinoids I allow into my system for healing.  I am a father, writer, poet, cannabis consultant, event planner, advocate for life, advocate against police brutality and a patient that tries his best to make the lives of others a bit better one day, one plant at a time.  Thank you for listening.  Persistence, Purpose, Patience, Prosperity, and Inner-Peace         Poem Below

Trail guides, Safari Guides and Sea Navigators must anchor a unique kind of courage

For who else in the name of fun can tread dead ahead without the uncertainties of the Sun

As Sea serpents and monsters lurk and ancient spirits attach after being both conjured and disturbed

Safe Access Prop 215/sb420 Event Planners see their fair share of sunshine and storms for

Cannabis is ancient and goes hand and hand with the norms as

Patients have learned where doctors have failed… to heal themselves in many forms yet

With the wind and judgments comes a way in which many in pain and suffering will also be scorned

Think of the navigators again, the trail blazers, the pioneers, the ones that separate bravery from faith

When one wants to know exactly where to go and they are the soul that was chosen to show

It takes an immeasurable amount of unseen strength to go on when there might be storms

It takes courage and mountains of faith to deal with the weather and the beasts that await

As lions wait for a lone picture taker to step away to deviate… and

Sharks circle patiently smiling for a honeymooner to fall into the chum-fillled churn once in a while

No one likes to be disturbed when focused on being great… or white these sharks

We can in no way influence wind and tides so 

It takes a bit of faith to know we might come back alive

As we guide others towards perhaps easier sailing or a smooth direction

On roads we also know there might be trouble yet we deal with it headfirst instead

So others might know a better path or know suffering less

This is the type of faith, strength, bravery and courage that we know best yet

We don’t require a palm to read

We just read deep in the books of proverbs and psalms and pray the creator to please calm these seas

When beasts come around we hold our family close, get our weapons, papers, bibles, lawyers and

Naturally like deep roots of an ancient tree that gives shade to those in need

We hold it down!

For all the ways a path has been shown there had to be a strong guiding force 

For no one makes moves alone

Who would dare test the tides alone without a ship to guide or

Who would brave the savannah rough without a truck to ride?

No one attempting a feat to achieve towards a new path to heal must have more than skills

As they navigate and look at their compass as well as the skies they are nothing close to average

Marking their way through history as they ask their higher power for guidance and safe passage

Safe Passage
8-9-2016

Being Consciously Thankful Right Where We Are

     As the hours slipped a little past twelve, like a kid awaiting presents on Christmas eve, the spirit of Thanksgiving was felt, except I did not have my complete health. I looked at the clock at twelve-thirty something with a lump in my throat from a coming sickness of a cold, thankful that my son was safe with me, pondered the coming day and took a teaspoon of honey and cayenne before attempting to sleep.

     Let me jump to a little bit of background for your understanding before I dive deeper into a history of truth and thanks.  My first books as a child came from my fathers library, not your typical "Huck Finn," or any of those other classics as I learned the passion and struggle behind Bury My Heart At Wounded Knee and the truths of  Before the Mayflower.  I recall a few early sunrise services at Alcatraz with the Ohlone, a proud nation of people that once inhabited most of the San Francisco Bay Area before the Spanish and American settlers.  I used to hate waking up that early, cold as heck... to go burn sage and say prayers with the elders and whatnot, but understood the purpose was of relieving a pain I didn't quite understand in my youth.  What I did understand was that this land called America was stolen from people that once lived in peace and that millions, women and children included, were massacred in cold blood in the process.

Massacre of Christian Indians on March 8th 1782

After spending a night praying and preparing for the end, the Moravian Lenape were systematically butchered on the morning of March 8† with mallet blows and scalpings. Depending on your source, there were either 90 or 96 scalps to take that morning – women, men, and children in nearly equal proportions. At least one young boy survived the death squad and reported the massacre. Nor were all the militia themselves at peace with their deed. -executedtoday.com

     Just because we have it so good here in the good ol U.S. of A does not mean that we should forget the sacrifices made that got us here, that got us living somewhat comfortably, without hearing mortar shells falling on schoolyards and hospitals, without the fear of boarding a Trolley, BART, Train, or Bus without threat of suicide bomber, or the desperation in the voice from a parent carrying their dead child they just pulled from rubble. That was one long ass sentence huh?  Is it wrong to remind our friends, family... our own children of the truth that millions died so that we might have the slightest taste of what freedom is?   I say No!  Is it a "Buzz Kill" to call Thanksgiving, National Native American Day of Mourning?  No!  Why?  Because it is simply the truth and the truth can't hurt too bad now can it, as I'm told it will set us free!

     So am I thankful for the cake pops my niece made for her first time, or the progress a new shy boxer puppy has made with a bunch of goofy kids, or did I forget about the macaroni and cheese from scratch and the version with goat cheese and sheep's milk for those lactose intolerant and aw man, the bread pudding that you didn't know was actually made from bread, heck yea I am! But I'd be an ignorant fool to forget the sacrifices made that I know of and not say something, something to stick to the ribs like good home cookin and wisdom is supposed to do.

    This is my Happy Thanksgiving family & friends and Native American Week of Mourning.  Enjoy family, for we never know when they might be called. Never judge, for you never know when you might be judged. Pray you have the compassion and strength to give to others even when you find yourself in a difficult place yourself.  For the Pequot, Wampanoag, the Cherokee, the Sioux, Nez Perce, Moravian Lenape and countless other first nations that loved this land before us, and for all living descendants, the fight and struggle against Greed, Intolerance and Oppression continues... Fight On!

P.S. Waste Not.  Donate, give to the needy and make bomb ass Thanksgiving sandwiches with those leftovers!

Persistence, Patience, Prosperity, Purpose, & Inner-Peace

~Ku the Conduit

Moral Obligation and Where it Settles...

Where Do We Go From Now?

What is your Philosophy on Change?

At times we are faced with moral stalemates, reminders that knock on our conscious by way of our simple humanity. It could be a turn of events such as the racially charged atmosphere we have been experiencing or perhaps another issue that brings us close also such as a natural disaster, national outrage or perhaps it was a death of someone close to us. What are we to do when we feel powerless?  Sometimes I feel like the problems of the outside environment outweigh everything however are nowhere present within the struggle happening within my own home.  The way of the land affects the way you land in bed tonight, whether you acknowledge it or not. The political atmosphere as well as the natural environment have a direct impact on the way we are allowed to live our lives.  

We are all capable of using our own mind and utilizing our own logic, when it comes to what we deem right and wrong. What we do and choose not to do will effect not only our children but other generations to come. So it is with dire urgency that we preserve all life and build everyone and every living thing up so that we might know a deeper part of ourselves and plan for the children before it's too late. We turn on the news, see videos on youtube and receive facebook posts all with negativity. This person got shot that person got shot, this person killed their children, this person shot a movie theater up."  We then see the other media stuff, the celebrity distractions and somehow forget about what matters... because we are Taught to! 

Some things such as natural disasters are out of our control but we can plan for our families and can make a difference here at home, in the streets outside by simply picking up a piece of trash or planting a tree. Could planting a tree be seen as revolutionary? Think about it, in a planet where we use technology for everything and tech savvy is how we're all expected to be, to do something natural to create or preserve life other than organize and control it would be seen revolutionary indeed.  We can pick up a book and read to our kids. We can go to a beach, park or museum or see some crazy performance from out of town, if we can afford it right? More than anything when we see something wrong or unjust, we can call it like we see it and use the unfortunate opportunity to educate.  Let's lead by example and show folks different!

I found these small manzanita bushes on the side of a windy mountain by themselves. They were small, yet strong! When determined, nothing can shake you, deter you or cause you to loose footing.  How can we change conditions?  By challenging thought, but explaining things as clear as day in a manner everyone can comprehend, we can make a difference in our lives as well as in those around us.  By having conversations about race, class, money, and the natural state of things as well as revisiting the past, we can help sculpt a future desirable for everyone.  Here's something I did for a class when I was in New York.  You can always challenge old ways of thinking.  By the way, I almost always got an "A," because my logic was sound, arguments arranged well and well sourced. This teacher had to stick to the script and was very cool but I couldn't stand what I was being taught at times or that we were even required or expected to learn this BS. "The Greats" my ass!  How are you going to be great?  To breath alone is a feat in itself, for life is no accident and we have to fight to live!  So live!

Sekou M. Black

Philos 100-9E

Professor Mendoza

12-11-09

The Difference Between Savages and Animals

“I am, therefore,” No! “I am what I am,” said the great philosopher Popeye the sailor man

According to Locke a savage was not

Though justified enough to ravage his lands

Displace natives rape the women

Sell the children for 220 shilling “sold!”

Give others blankets laden with disease

With bloody feet trails of tears were frozen cold

It is these thoughts I venture not on

The canvass they paint where God was reason

Enough to show corrupted souls

Their logic flawed like recently passed seasons

No gifts of thanks only to celebrate

A great massacre of 700 heathens

If I were aboard with knowledge of their ways

No land for days I’d leave not one breathing

Here lies the story of painful pasts

Within this class by blood we share 

These Greek greats were full of shit-

I hope some argue against the loved I pray you dare

To test the tides even Descartes thought

The animals to be without some ethos

Without reason Aristotle’s Ethics

Have no choice thus act sporadic just like my peoples

 Please forgive our conditioned ways

Alienation many lives lost & taken stories tragic

Never forget the past & your families separated made slaves

Unforgivable that dreadful passage

Now many hoods know endless cycles savage acts

Upon occasion only rashness void of prior deliberation

Governments led the desecration of habitats?

Spread across the globe to every nation

So what’s tomorrow? The future we hold

My posteriori solid as animals remain sane

My understanding is beyond reason

My breaths are laxed I can’t complain

Disappointed by what my eyes hurt to see

Often strain to blind my hearts view from the lavish

Who’s executed these truths acts deemed inhumane?

Who’s civil now and who’s the savage?

Waiting for Rain… or Waiting for Flame!

Nothing learned is ever in vain

Waiting for Rain… or Waiting for Flame!

Yea, I know I haven’t written shit in a while but life has a way of twisting things within folds and releasing truths within the stinging flow of things… in other words, I've been going through my own shit too. But while engulfed in this beautiful dance of triumph and burn and stand and run and fall and bleed, I noticed a continuous pattern of sorts. I have much to say but will try my best to keep this blog short.

I’d like to one day write a blog or a book about how to reach success… but my goals seem far and I’m right here right now.

 What has been relevant in my life, as well as those I have grown fondness towards, have been experiencing many changes, good and bad, real and false but something has directed them to take a certain course of action, which leads us to now… this moment on this page… trying to either figure out the next best plan, how to move from the space that we’re in… or trying to figure out where the heck I’m going with this one.

Death and Birth have been trending or I’m getting older , however have noticed this a lot more with friends of mine.  Family members getting sick and dying, women getting pregnant, babies being born.  Many of us have, through circumstance of life, have bear witness to the birth and death of many things, sometimes a rate much too rapid for processing.  To joke but also to be health conscious, since it is preventative medicine now… Now would be a good time to blaze a joint… but seriously. 

Recently I've had the opportunity, well we all have in some sense, to witness the death and the beginning of many things, some in the Change in other people, in death and in new life, of relationships and ways of making a way for oneself or for a family.  Some have had life-shaking first-hand experiences that have either left them with certain feelings or heavy emotions, & some experiences that have just left you… without room or understanding… to process  what the eyes have seen and what the heart wasn't ready for… but the important thing is that you Do feel, not exit and write it off as a “damn, let me get over this,” but a “damn, how do I want to handle this… because our coping mechanisms that we have grown so comfortable with have been deciding for us. Sometimes this is not a good thing, especially if we intend to grow smarter, mentally and spiritually stronger & wiser.

Some were ringing on the “Happy” song talking about “You don’t need to be happy in your misery, you need to handle that S#*!”  but at the same time should learn to focus on quality of life along with direction, that we need to learn to dance in the rain and not be afraid to get wet. 

For hundreds of years, perhaps many thousands uncounted we have had to plan our lives in seasons, in years.  In some cases, those plans made spawned from instances and chances we decided to take… Let us flash back to the recent past, lets say a good 150 years ago, where irrigation was simple yet more than adequate, when the word “running water” was said, it had to do with a river or stream, and when every plan was made, every family or individual plan,  the plan for survival depended on the seasons and weather. Some would have to wait for snow to melt to travel, others for autumn to harvest, for rain so that they could begin to see results from anything accomplished.

Imagine having to plant seeds and waiting for rain?

It’s not that we forgot to plant altogether, maybe it’s that we forgot how to be patient and wait, for all of the fun things and enriching things we can do once we have planned and planted… right?  How do we know what we've planted will grow well, or “the way we want it to”? 

I’ve recently come to terms, see, I’ve accepted that some things are made to be ugly, that there is a certain way of things, a pattern of sorts that everything in living existence follows. We influence this pattern oftentimes, sometimes doing too much. It doesn't matter what spiritual belief you have, these patterns govern our daily life whether or not you choose to see them. There is a cause and effect that sways some things, a pattern, a way of motion. I have also come to terms with my own purpose, that I am supposed to heal others, inspire and nurture growth in living things, teach, help the disadvantaged, and most importantly help God’s children. This is what I have finally accepted.

We have learned to accept what we can, to move with the flow of things and that this and that adds up, that there basically is a formula for happiness in all of our lives.  We've tried many different things, when one things doesn't work, we find the courage to do otherwise but sometimes the math seems strange and things don't seem to add up no matter how hard we try.  We try our best to stay committed to promises we've made, set and standards... we have decided to live by but some of us find a path that directs us elsewhere.

 Some stay on the desired path set but loose something else in the process, perhaps a bit of us or a passion we once held onto for worth… for survival. Things change and damn… we must learn to be cool with this. I also have come to terms that I feel the need to express that we are all connected to each other, to every living thing, and that everything in it’s absurdedy and oddness, that even Death has its reason. 

How am I going to explain to my readers with words that everything has as reason, that Fear is a displaced emotion often used against us, unless it’s natural survival (a car was speeding so I was scared and moved out of the street). How am I going to make y’all comfortable with loosing those you love, with dealing with forces of opposition when I feel them myself?  How am I going to help you all come to terms with nature, God and with the strange presence of Death… when I have not died or experienced afterlife, only the after-math?  I don’t know but that is a challenge I chose. How do you choose to live? What challenges are you ready to face?

 Unless we have to worry about an animal charging, or a natural disaster displacing us, we’re pretty cool with nature right, I mean some of us would never go hiking but we’re rarely afraid that we’re going to be the next people on those videos “When Nature Attacks,” n stuff. Many I know don’t have to plan their life to avoid natural disasters, animals or nature. The only disasters we have to deal with are the ones we humans create, and the closest, most brutal attacks we experience come from those closest to us.  Some things we don’t need to influence, or try to in other words, things will happen in nature regardless, such is the way of life, yet we are so used to getting what we want, fighting, fighting, fighting… for nothing, for a chance at what we consider Greatness or Progress, often burning a something on the path when we ourselves acknowledge that we were “On Fire.” At the same time in between keeping our head together and running full steam ahead, told in so many ways that there is opportunity, that we all have a fighting chance… but for some all we see is that for all of our lives, we have been fighting, fearfully, with some new burden of FEAR that we have not had before, well in some countries and in some periods of time such as Romans against Christians, and everyone against Jews….

Now  the fear is not directed towards a populous of a certain culture of peoples… but the whole genome of the Human race… like an EVIL Filled FEAR of IN-ADEQUATENESS and hopelessness!! Bullshit!!, we sometimes yearn for a cleansing, a rain shower of sorts… to wash away the pain and confusion, to drown out the situation, to drown us completely… or to just enjoy that music instead.  As I just watched a video of a man running away from an angry stingray, I’m reminded or our simple past, that one closer to nature. I’m then reminded that unless something is chasing us or trying to kill us, we rarely understand completely that we have done something wrong, made a mistake, went into the wrong cave, decided the wrong path or walked into the wrong lake or river.  We can look at many things in life that way, relationships, places we've moved to, life decisions even when made for a better purpose. Sometimes we need to step back out of ourselves, re-evaluate, and revamp our purpose in order to know that we are on the right path, that we are comfortable how anything including death will end. 

Preparation: does it lead to progress or to heartache and failure?

How do you view your progress in life? How do you place value on things?

Have you found, or felt a purpose life, or been driven by an action that could have life changing implications?

Now is the time in our lives when we look ever so critical at ourselves, we look deep into ourselves and begin to do what we have not wanted others to do… judge us.  We weigh ourselves by our sacrifice and what we view as success for ourselves, becoming our own parents. Then something changes for some, once they themselves become parents, then their conscience begins to call in ways it never has before.

There are miraculous instances in nature, where intense heat from flame is needed in order to open the seed for germination. Some of us I notice and some I know require a lil bit of fire to open up, shoot, some of y’all just as stubborn as I am so maybe that’s some reasons why we suffer… because the fire wasn't hot enough and our lesson was yet to be over. But I must admit that I noticed a strange opposition no matter how people do that bleeds energies and life force from us. Remember that the fact that you breathe and carry a soul makes you triumphant!    
                                                          lodgepole pine

                                                                        manzanita

Things are churning and changing in ways seen and in many ways unseen by the naked eye in front of  and hidden away from the light, yet it is our responsibility to Live regardless and Love 9 or at least accept, change and respect) everything about it in the process.  I’m not one to believe in reincarnation, however I don’t know about y’all… but let’s try and do this right the First time!

“Baby you can do it take your time, do it right!”

It is time for me to end this rant, this sacred written chant about life. … and end things on a wise note, something like, “Don’t trip, things come around full circle.” And purposely leave it like that… no I won’t do that.

Responsibility and Change are some serious things to live with and accept, which is why I find it so important to remind all of us, that we are not in it alone. We have to evaluate who we are and where we place ourselves in the madness which is this beautiful existence called Life. I challenge you to find your purpose, your talents, or at least go search for something good and help someone discover theirs.

When looking for trouble we’re told we’ll often find it, but if we’re looking for good, you just might stumble across a miracle. Why wait for positive change when we can influence the creation of it? Keep your eyes, hearts, and hustling minds open wide! We might run into a little rain and lightning. Some wait for rain, others escape towards the sounds of thunder, unafraid of the sky opening, burning blazes of striking lightning… Waiting for flames.

~ Sekou M. Black