For so many years we have watched many men own roles and responsibilities as well as abandon them. There are examples to show yes as well as socio-economic reasons for the imbalances in many families. As some parents are fine without their significant other, many are not. Strength does not come from the will to provide and survive! Strength comes from sources unmeasurable and not seen by the naked eye.
Some families are comprised of only woman, mothers and for me, this is fine and none of my business. I as a father look at Father’s Day in a particular way for many reasons and I will explain this. Basically we have witnessed many examples in this nation as well as internationally, what a good father is. Everyone has their own take. I for one have noticed examples in media now, what I have seen as a child on TV and wondered, “why can’t my dad be that cool?”
In the community or communities I grew up in, examples were in my friend’s dad’s, well those that had them around. Many I know were raised by their mothers, aunties, uncle’s and mostly grandparents where I come from. Those grandmothers, Aunties and such were powerful people! I myself have been fortunate that when my mother left my father, he told her that she was not going to take my brother and I from him. From what I understand about my dad’s pops, he was different, a lot less affectionate than his own few words speaking dad.
I watched him sacrifice for us, many times. Struggle, even though he was a Stanford Grad was a reality for us. Pro Wings from Pay Less were my favorite shoes as a child while he was going to college. Although I praise him for the father and grandfather that he is, seeing his shortcomings as well as other parents as a child, are a reminder for the man I never want to become and serious father that I am today. My father is a particular individual yet although I do not agree with things, I love him because I understand him. Yesterday he stopped by my honey table to pick up a manuscript he’s working on and to me, I know that for him to share these things is unique and special.
I have two sons. I did not want to break up with or “leave,” my ex eleven years ago due to the fact that my mother left us, me when I was four and a half, on some “Your father is an asshole,” type shit and she’s possibly right. What I learned through much searching and conversation is that there are two sides to every story. Broken apart, not understanding how a woman can do a good man so wrong when my ex wanted to “explore,” herself, I dug well until I found answers. What I came up with helped me gain a deep understanding about my parent's relationship.
Father’s Day and Mother’s Day is not just about one parent. We are led to believe in separating tasks, people, roles, defining things for categorization of some reason, like it’s not okay to mix our parental peas with our mashed potatoes but let me be frank, there can never be one without the other. Granted there are families that consist of just one parent, some where a person, (usually well to do financially) wants to adopt or have a child of their own, without a partner. I don’t know what to think about this other than I know through experience, that having another person there to support goes a very long way. Even I, I mean pops was pops and did the best he knew, yet in his shortcomings I was blessed to have the community step up when they did to help him out.
I have many aunties and uncles I refer to as Baba so and so and Mama you know who you are for this reason so let me wrap this up so I can rest some. Father’s Day for me is a culmination of not belief or involvement but straight up love! For this reason I share this day with my woman knowing that a father is nothing without his community and his woman! There are those that stepped up to be a parent when others either failed to care or were not able to for many generational and purposely constructed reasons. Yeah, I said it, some did not want you or them to be fathers, wanted us not involved or even “locked up.” This type of isolationism comes from the racist criminal justice system, as well as conditioning, to destroy the strong identity and power of families and communities.
Looking back to then from now, Father’s Day wasn’t much but something written at the bottom of a calendar day but Kwanzaa, Christmas and Juneteenth, oh yeah! I remember schools would put an emphasis on “making something,” for your mother or father was taught to us, when all we understood they wanted was for things to make sense, for us to obey and overall from everyone in the world, this forgotten thing called respect!
There are some without parents for one reason or another and their definitions of family for me and towards me have always been the most heart felt. Like I tried to tell you guys earlier, I was raised by the community. It was those inside of doors that were not ours where we often learned; by loving hearts, out of the box minds that in many instances, made miracles occur, right in front of our very young eyes! For those that read this, thank you for reading, I just wanted y'all to think a bit. Sometimes I used to think about our government or even our Creator, Him/Her or whatever your belief Them and what they thought when it came to Father's Day, USA!
You see, a father and a mother must first have an example to emulate in order to discover, how one ought to be for future generations. For me, this is why Western man’s theories and ideas of creation mean little to me.
Happy Father’s Day 🎉 🏆!!! Now for a poem…
Hands, rough hands hardened and caliced by occupation's malice or
As smooth as a newly built marble palace
Caress hair of the sleeping child time after time while others
Have not yet learned their place or something malicious instead
Engulfs the time given, even what should be said
To be honest, in society, our ideals are thrown about like black mats covering weeds
From not allowing growth, light is kept out
Purposely drowned out by darkness
So that any remaining seed would either die off while the ones allowed to poke through
Survive in a carefully controlled environment
Then there are the seeds that blew in on the wind
Not knowing exactly from whence they came how, where, why or when
Taking root in the best soil found even the bits within concrete
On sidewalks with chalk either laid by children or CSI
We ask as if everything we are purposely taught, goes against the norm when
Reality is the best indicator of how the wind might blow and by instinct
Knowing even in deserts can be the lurking presence of a dangerous storm
Realizing these challenges, many step up and commit while others well
They don’t know shit or understand shit to begin with
Even King said he might not get there with us but that he “sees the promised land”
But tell me, will we get there without making some type of peace and some kind of demands?
As children’s smiles from Earth can be seen from the heavens yet
There are few places on open Earth allowed to safely stand
Folks want respect but children, they only want Love and an open guiding hand
So let us all now foster what was purposely forgotten with I love you’s
Be back real soon because like we also wanted to hear back then
You can do it
Not because we haven’t told but
Because some were never led to believe
Allowed the space to breathe, to explore
To be daring aside from driving 80 mph on city streets or
Brave enough to climb the mountains or spelunk the caves beneath
Ingrained not to swim from the lines of closely following sharks, we remained
Bouncing back with the audacity to create, invent and remain
The parents others wish they had, even without children, we are
Ending cycles of neglect, smashing disrespect and spitting hot bars or wisdom
Knowing Freedom and Peace for parents Exist beyond stereotypes, death and prison
Nothing short of miraculous with glory, honor and still some calls residual pain
Building communities and foundations deeper than the roots that bind us
Giving smiles, hopes, sharing dreams and admiring tattoos and scars
Parent in Your Hood
June 19th, 2021
