Sunday, May 31, 2020

The Vigilant Parent



The Vigilant Parent

What to Tell Our Sons and Daughters 
During These Times of Change:




       When I think of freedom, I dream of golden grassy hills being blown by the wind.  I dream of walks on the beach and I begin to fantasize about what it would be like to live completely without the fear and worry of murder for simply being me.   To live in fear daily, believe me is no way to live however this is the reality of many Black Americans especially if you are a parent.   When we think about what our children might have to go through, getting sick to the stomach is a normal feeling.  Anger sadness and feelings of being overwhelmed is very natural if you are a black parent in Apartheid America.  The big question many have is “how do I talk to my son(s) and daughter(s) about racism and what is going on with the George Flynn murder?"

       My answer for a fellow colleague, coworker was simple “straight up,” yet we wonder, how will my child receive these truths?  Many wonder, is there a certain way or sensitivity that should be used when speaking about these horrific things?  As a parent myself the best way I know to talk about hate and injustice is the opposite of the subject, with empathy, understanding and love.  We as parents want the best for our children and this includes how they feel about and deal with issues.  

When a CNN journalist asked a community organizer about the realities of raising a child of color in this racial tinderbox and the screenshot I took says it all.



       Some that know holy books are taught about “The Age of Reasoning,” when a child can distinguish right from wrong. We simply do not want our children to be hurt or traumatically affected by the stories of the past as well as with the horrible realities we still struggle with.  We as parents cringe at the thought of the young souls we know losing their innocence.  I for one do not want my son called a “nigger,” as I was in kindergarten by a little boy or girl singing the racist version of “Enie Minnie Miny Mo, catch a Nigger by his toe.” These fears as a parent are very much valid as some of us have experienced truths in our childhood which caused some of us to “grow up early,” per see.  

      There is no easy way to speak about violence, injustice and especially murder with our children yet it is detrimental and essential for their understanding and most importantly, for their survival.  The answer sounds simple, yet I imagine can be met with layers of anxiety.  Using the most understanding we can muster, with the love and sensitivity you can find when speaking about the subject of death and loss is one way.  Another approach is to be nonchalant yet serious when we mention the reality that injustice, that harm could befall the young lives we cherish.  How do we explain the positives with all of the negatives we know and see?

      Compassion as I have witnessed can bring the coldest heart to a standstill.  Compassion and empathy is how we will also teach our children of promise to be better than what this rat-race of a capitalistic society demands. Introducing them to awesome people, successful as well as educated Black folks is one way to show them positive.  Bringing them to community events such as the  Juneteenth and humanities which include us such as plays, musicals like “The Heights,”can be awesome.  Showing positive movies which depict the Black man (Latino or Native) in a positive manner helps. 

       There are no perfect answers yet I can remember what my parents did.  My father had books about racism and blackness everywhere in his library, thus Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee and Before the Mayflower became some of my first books.  When I was called “nigger,” in Kindergarten, my father removed me from that school and put me in a community school that nurtured blackness, cultural strengths accomplishments and emphasized the many leaders which have led us this far.  I was introduced to African events, food and culture via the African friends my parents had.  How will our children know that we are strong, resilient, intelligent and have a large outpouring of support if we do not show them?

       Personally my first son, now twelve is much too mature for his age due to what he, what we have already been through.  He is resilient yet sensitive to the point where I have to choose the right time and space to talk with him.  He has a strong sense of morality just like his father and does not like to hear about people, especially Black people being hurt or killed.  My son had unfortunately experienced bullying by white children as well as blatant racism from children at playgrounds. This, if I could have avoided was one of my fears.

      My duty as a parent and a Black Father is made that much more challenging.  While I'm on the subject I must say that I do not believe that I would have the strength it takes to be a black mother.   One thing we must do is to ensure that our children know that they are undeniably loved, super awesome as well as what he knows what's up.  My job of protecting him is not just physical for I have to try my best to encourage him faced with an environment which does not nurture community, individuality or the accomplishments of anyone that is not of European decent, especially Black men. I must help him keep his fire lit and hopeful, so that no matter what comes hisway, that he will be prepared by all means and ready to fight back in many ways and not to let the negativity aimed at him, become him.

      We must model as well as show them the majesty through our great histories, how beautiful, black and powerful they are and how great, if they are down for a little fight, they will soon become.  With showing them how to defend and protect themselves we must also explain that like many instances, there are good people and bad people, good cops and bad cops etc. and that we decide how to become, that being who you are is not decided for them.  I have a new son, one that has me wondering, what will we teach him and what will he face.  As I have before, I will leave you with a recent poem of mine.  Enjoy!



Priests and holy men around the world hold fast
Praying, meditating and fasting for insight
Pacing and trying to think of innovative ways 
As unexpected tides rise much too fast to find high ground
Evil creeps in sinks both sharp teeth deep before…
Any sound of pain can be heard and simple solution found
While children world’s away but even…
The ones dead in our face have been forced to thirst
Oblivious to the busted teeth, broken bones bruises and blood stains
Those who could change things fail as other cowards have countless
This time even the value of human life we leave for them to define
For even the old and weary point out...
The way in which this sun currently shines
Worrying about economies and 
Satire too close to home to be comedies
We forget yes
I admit that I didn’t see the reason things must have come to be
You see, while we were all blinded
Some asshole put out a contract on “Kindness,” 
Now we all must show face, soul search and if we must… purge
Not like the sick movie types
With death, racism and political euphemisms
Just a plan and an action with momentum and rhythm
Cutting off Evil Greed and Lack of Empathy as the main determining
Maybe then we could perhaps find a grand design or 
An offspring of the risen
The son or daughter of Kindness expressed in Love to get this ball rollin'
Perhaps then we would be paid for our patience and granted reparations
Maybe then land that was stolen would be given back to them
As First Nations stand with their fists raised...
We behave like trained slaves
With every reason to rebel, instead we accept Hell
Proving that we were the most successful colonized people and
There was no forced brainwashing or reasons under the church and steeple
It was us, comfortable, immovable, unyielding and yes, Complacent
Because it could be me or you, no lies, only truth
Taking their very last gasp of breath pinned against the cold  pavement
As onlookers only yell or walk pass we cry in disbelief and
From the deepest of pain
Allowing no just cause 
As our own empathy for others momentarily pauses
Ask the ancestors and elderly for all of these causes and they said...
"Not on my watch!"
We don’t need a sundial, watch or phone to remind us what time it is
Only a person not tied to the privilege to act according to what we might do and …
To resurrect my dear homie named Kindness


The Contract on Kindness
May 26, 2020