Wednesday, October 31, 2018

An Odyssey of Creativity and Wisdom Day 18

one thousand words daily

I took these shots from Bilal's video "Soul Sister,"
and many years ago vowed that when I got my place, that this would be the wall art

Day: 18 – there is no apology for existing nor should there be.
if there wereyou would never find this man doing so or following in any behavior that belittles or shames the gift of my complicated being.
–S.M. Black

            Life is Beautiful, and Black, will Always be the “New Black.” Black will never go out of style and…
Black Will Be Forever Beautiful!
our reality
            Imagine being told not to love by default, that love, just as mercy and empathy, which should course through our consciousness, is instead taught to you as being weaknesses instead of important threads which hold humanity and communities of people together?  Imagine the whole society you grew up in from place to place reminds you that no matter what, you will not matter if you do not jump exactly how they jump and that beauty is only determined by the famous, Hollywood, or an ideal standard. Imagine being constantly being fed images and messages that riches is only worth the family that you are from, that yours does not matter, and that people, as in the general public do not care what goes on with your family, that they might be part of the “problems,” we all face.  Imagine your teachers telling you that covertly as well as in straight forward ways?  This is the past and present which I contend with, with every breath, all of the time. This is the future that I will fight for my unborn child as well as the beautiful children I have here facing such opposition now! 
 a simplified response
            This is in response to the opposition which is the opposite of what I talk about and do.  I love others to the point where it somehow ends up biting me in the ass however I fear no one nor do I fear anything crawling, flying or manifesting!  Thus this is a direct assault against ignorance, lack of justice, lack of empathy, Evil and Hate!  Days ago a Jewish synagogue was bombed and many lost people they loved dear.  Folks were just going to worship God in their own way, to be taken out by the opposition of love, hate!  If you hate another person or hate yourself for any reason, stop now!  My longer response, I’m saving for a book.

the task that gives
            Forgiving others, or on the road to do so does not mean that you have to forget your transgressors, just simply forgive (which ain’t that simple sometimes), which is logical to do since we are not perfect and will never be.   Don’t for one moment think that I will fail to defend my own family or that I might forget the folly’s folks do against us.  Will I hate them for their ignorance? No, I will not.  Instead I will remind them in my own ways, fighting in many common ways others do, which do not include violence if it can be avoided. 
            Some protest, some run for office and organize while I will speak and write truths and stories many purposely choose to forget or leave out for one reason or another.  Should I hate my political system for their lack of effort and blind eyes? No, I will love, refuse to turn the other cheek this time, and fight with all of my might, the wheels of justice, while offering community, togetherness and love, silencing hate in the process.  No matter who you are, I feel it is of utmost importance for you to feel comfortable being the person you were crafted to be.  We were once taught that our environment alone is to be attributed to the dynamic individuals we are today.  What we have learned since, thanks to genetics, studies in sociology as well as from observation is that who we are and how we have become is a lot deeper than many can comprehend. 
our existence
            The miracle life is more precious than all of the riches any king can even dream of having for himself or his lands.  Life just as time cannot be taken back no matter how much we try to manipulate it.  Just like when we throw a dart to a dart board, there is a target and once it leaves our hand, no matter how we aim it, it will travel and hit somewhere.   Such is the gift of life.  But what exactly do we do when we are fed messages that we don’t matter, that our struggles are in vain and that our own very lives are but to be “Units of Production,” and can at any time be compromised?  When we experience such opposition at the workplace, we either decide to stay and endure the abuse, assuming that this is normal to be “Let go,” at any given time since we are told that “we are replaceable!,” or we look for work elsewhere in a better environment when we find the time.   You and I… we are unique in every facet of our being, in who we are as well as in what we can accomplish alone but most definitely for what we can accomplish together. 

            Remember that you are no accident, that it takes some special type of love to grow.  As I have stated many times, even the weeds that grow in-between the cracks in concrete need the love of water or morning dew to sprout forth.  What happens when there is no water?  Those weeds eventually die, withering dry and blowing away before even being able to sprout seeds of their own. We all require some sort of opportunity or chance in order to stay alive.  To be able to believe what you want to believe, achieve what you want to achieve, and think what you want to think without the negativity and backlash associated with failure, pain, and misunderstanding, sometimes we are forced to fight.  Luckily for many, love has conquered more in sharing thoughts, feelings, dreams as well as financial insights than all of the bombs ever launched, bullets that have left barrels of guns, arrows shot and swords wielded.
            For the sake of being you, I toast to all of your dreams accomplished, all of your successes known as well as personal, as well as toast to the wellness I hope for all of you to have, in life as well as in having a healthy and happy family. I for one find myself having to fight for myself constantly as well as for the young family I must protect and watch out for in many ways.  My son is with his mother this Halloween and thus, due to her new beliefs, she will not be taking the children trick of treating.  I am not okay with her decision yet I am powerless at this point to do anything about it.  What I can do is send all of my love to my son until we meet soon.  I’ll include a poem for you below to add to the flow.  Enjoy and have a happy as well as a safe Halloween!

On this night of all hallows, many we cannot see will venture out and thrive
As spirits once loved have visited on their day of the dead
Pagans practice with their squashes while some Christians watch in horror
Children grab candies while some grab children giving tricks instead, yet
We become afraid of the monsters we know of that we can in no way control
Remembering well the transgressions and actions which cannot be reversed
But who truly knows the current cost and weight of the human soul?
While many cover themselves with costumes to allow their wild side to break about
Others let out the ugliness inside as well as the true them that they can no longer hide
Becoming as wild as wild they believe they can get away with
Drinking spirits while taunting ones as well that the wise know better than to play with
We when lonely seeking kindred souls when lonely to hold close and lay with
Can we become more aware of our impact on our planet and others than what is expected?
Truth stands as tall monuments just as tall trees do after wildfire has passed through
Tall and dark without branches some still stand sadly to remind of times past
Igniting fires in the heart as a start along with the jack-o-lantern flame tonight I hope
With lives that pass between the eyes during our existence leave a deep impact
Eventually as ours also with memory does not leave with merely ashes and smoke
So we condition ourselves accordingly in a world filled with patterns, and repetition
Creating community with no void nor distance can suggest
Giving light to dark situations with understanding, positivity and love as our mission

All Hallow's Reach

Friday, October 19, 2018

An Odyssey of Creativity and Wisdom Day 17

one thousand words daily
That mantis that was cool w/ me.
I went outside before I left the other day to get a closer view.

I got a clear shot of her... thorax and my wrist. I've still got the gift!
Day: 17 nature, instinct and trust
               To say that I have more faith in wild animals than I do in the human genome is an understatement but I’m holding on y’all, like a man holding onto a stop sign in a hurricane, I’m a holdin’ on!  It has always been that way even as a child noticing the inconsistencies in human nature yet the absolute perfection in nature around me.  Can a trust the nature of a wild animal more than my next of kin or more than a human being? Hell yeah!  The reactions of a wild animal are predictable, for we can see their uneasiness in the hair bristles, body language and furthermore, being who we are, some of us have a gift or a certain knack which prevents such bad things (such as animal attacks and stabbings) from happening.  I can’t say the same for those wild animal tamers, people that train animals for circuses and for Hollywood, and idiotic human beings that purposely provoke others but I have always had a calling to help living things in need, from things that crawl, growl to things that wildly sprout.
Swollen leg of three days with skin graph.
               I feel rest assured that in my short span of life that I have gone far and beyond what my calling has asked, yet I am still prepared to do more if able.   Today is a new day filled with some type of resuscitated hope.  I told myself that since swelling in one leg refuses to go down, that I was going to stay in bed until things got a bit better and pain resided, at least enough for me to walk on two canes better and with more ease.  I saw a new doctor the other day with hopes that things would change but she wants to see blood work first as well as new X-rays, then return in three weeks, with no pain meds for now. Let us take note that I have no history of drug use, nor I am not a tweeker like these folks I flash on here in the notorious Central Valley of California.  I just explained to her that I filed a grievance with the previous provider and sought an alternate opinion.
hop with the best 
               Why did I see a test for HIV on my chart to send to Quest Diagnostics? Should I tell this ignorant immigrant lady (I wanted to say something else) my history as a Prevention Case Manager, Medical Case Manager and HIV Medical Case Manager, or just act dumb and bite the bullet, wasting my time and just let her figure things out, slowly.  No, I should be quite right, as my fiancé put it, that would just make me look like an asshole however at this point, I’m just sick of folks insulting my intelligence. She failed to ask whether or not I have had the same sexual partner for the past six plus years amongst other pre-screenings that would set me up for such a test but like many Africans (except for my African friends I bet) suggest and as I have heard “African Americans are promiscuous, Black men are bad fathers and Black women are loose,” are the stereotypes I have heard while I was on the East Coast… from African folks.  Did I prove them wrong!

               Aside from the medical bs, I was compelled to write this post after a thought this early afternoon about family and for this I am glad that they, family do not read this blog.  My initial thought was “Why didn’t my father raise my brother and sister,” which was a very much fucked up thought of mine.  I’ll tell you where it came from.  My pops has been very “Black Power,” to the core and community driven, yet my brother and sister do not have the heart like I do.  As my pregnant fiancé and I went to the Tracy Public Library to set up our computers to do our thing, I, who decided that it would become too hot in a Rasta van to just lay down and rest my legs for hours, decided that it was best to go inside and complete a book I have been working hard on.

               I just didn’t know if I would be able to walk from the parking space into the library in my present condition.  As I work my difficult legs up to the task, I notice my pregnant fiancé with heavy computer walking out fast.  I ask her what happened.  She explains that after she set up and started up her computer, she was asked to leave due to a group that needed to use all of the desks (a group of mentally disabled) which is fine, however, she wasn’t the only one that had to stop and leave, without notice.  I immediately got upset and mentioned about my siblings. 
option for success is no rest
               My sister helps run an organization that has shared workspace, yet we cannot afford to pay for the both of us to sit there, perhaps one, but not both.  We are constantly flabbergasted and blown away when folks don’t stand up for us as we would stand up in a heartbeat, without question for others.  As we say in The Bay “It is what it is!” Even E-40 has a song like that.  So forget my pain from all parts of legs, calves, heels, shins, feet, and stinging, burning, pulsating, knees hurting, going out on me to almost falling down many times during the day… it ain’t shit.  I literally have to fake it till I make it. 
My beautiful fiance posing for the camera.
               What about when you have already before made it, started non-profits, even cannabis companies, helped hundreds yet do not want to once again break it hahaha.  Here goes something, back to this book I go!  Let’s toast to faith of a mustard seed and making the very best of it regardless, right?  People say no pain no gain well, for me right now I am in the thought process of no pain, no $$$ gain.  Although one doctor at Santa Rosa Memorial, I think his name was Muhammed Ali (seriously), had told me to “Sekou, try to go to the pain, not through the pain.” 

At this point in my existence with a ten year old that is treated like the third wheel with new babies around him, my fiancé with five kids and her ex won’t even answer the phone for us to speak to and a healthy miracle baby of ours in the oven, what choice do I really have? I would love to have the finances to pay for the wedding she wants as well as the house, office or apartment we need but for now, I will have to rely on complete strangers and God, not family (they help to some degree, I am thankful but have explained that for their reasons cannot help me out of this one), and that’s just how it is. I can bless y’all with a poem fsho! Here’s game spit I must emit in poetic form once mo. Just take a glance below…

Demons snarl in contempt when their contingency plan goes south
Sputtering curses, growls, the foulest of sounds and with that, slobber and smells from their mouths
When a man’s best nature cannot be withheld, he
Draws his sword with one accord upon the promise that with even while pimping his pen
His swift might with the angel’s sight will be felt
Pain knows no tolerance as hell know no furry as the woman he protects
As babies that leave this Earth much too soon wait to hold their parents who
At the same time work understanding time given and the waiting in-between to hold them once more
We decide on our own what things mean and how exactly we are to handle things when
Things fail to add up and when handles on old schools fall off and windows fail to roll up
While mosquitoes gladly fly in sucking the blood we hold to keep warm for another day
Praying for strength others will never have even in ten thousand seasons
Excuses float on toxic oceans of shame as we see ten thousand reasons
Babies see none of this, nor do children as all they want to do is play, be loved and dream
Work must be done still under our Creator’s given burning sun
Even if cancer is allowed to come along with the climate change and so-called unforeseen pain
We create conditions persistent with the mission of smiles and forever thanks
Due to the promise of new life as hope resides forever regardless of death
Amongst syringes, man-made diseases, false reasoning for greed and amongst the sharpest of shanks

No Permission to Squash Opposition

Tuesday, October 16, 2018

An Odyssey of Creativity and Wisdom Day 16

one thousand words daily
Who dat is? That bandana is really dope though!

Day 16:
the tides
          As I rise before the sun as I do many days for one reason or two. This reason being intense pain in both legs and not simply insomnia, I say a prayer of gratitude, for that’s only the best attitude and lay out a plan of many things I must do.  My day doesn’t differ from others much except that I have to navigate my surroundings in particular ways from how and where I decide to drive to where I decide to take a step.  With determination in my mind, pain throughout my body and love in abundance in this tired heart, I embark on a journey which leads me to this post.  For days I have had plans to write, with many ideas such as the crazy dreams I have been having while in slumberland, dreams we hold as individuals all the way back the dreams of our parents.  For today, at least just for this day I will talk about my dreams as a successful writer. 
Two of many manuscripts in the works

plans and detours
          My plan was to finish typing from manuscript, the second chapter to a book I once started yet got stolen once one of my laptops and belongings went missing, along with a car rental a year ago.  At this time I was just learning to once again walk yet had organized most of my writings… without using a good flash drive or online cloud drive to save things.  Boy did I learn a hard lesson.  Today I completed that second chapter of The Lioness, a very surreal yet detail oriented dream I once had many years ago before my son was born.  I never forgot this dream nor the impact of it.  This dream was like a sign of things to come, a promise from our Creator that “There is something specifically meant for you and you alone.”  I wanted to square away some ideas from that dream, so that I could begin with task number two of today; complete my book of Robin and the Red Tailed Hawk.
          Although I had to start from scratch (think of a DJ scratching a classic Hip Hop record) with The Lioness and although I was once between four-six chapters deep in beginning, I think I’m off to a great beginning, setting a realistic pace for myself as well.   Robin and the Red Tailed Hawk, transformed from a short anecdotal story I once wrote on a lost/stolen manuscript into a magnificent work of art, with enough imagination and wisdom for a book to fill.  It’s a trip how things turn out, right?  Who knows if I’ll be done today, as I have a few illustrations I would like to do from my mind.  My overall goals now are to complete between two to four books before this year is done. I find it difficult enough just to walk to the bathroom now or to my vehicle if I forget something, like the power chord to this computer. 
positivity and getting it in: a short history of me 
As I take that stroll, with sharp mind, flag in my back pocket, sike!!! a dinner towel I got from a gas station with mason jars on it I use as a bandana, having Jimmy Cliff’s “You Can Get it if You Really Want,” playing on repeat in this crowded brain of mine. I know I have many miles to still go regardless.  As far as that rag, or flag thing goes, I’ve been on that grown-man shit, my hustle since I first decided that I was a man (say around 16 and ½, 17 or so). I’ve been a counselor of many sorts since: starting from a Street Outreach Worker (street counselor), Health Educator to a Prevention Case Manager, HIV Test Counselor, Drug Rehabilitation Counselor for youth, Medical Case Manager, Soldier for Truth and Gang Counselor at “Rock in the Hood,” (something my bro Flo began as he got his life in order and was given a way, a supreme outlet to uplift others,) I reflect on success.  From Health Education, before as well as after the accident, I turned into a progressive and very hungry Cannabis Consultant, starting many things, influencing the game and helping hundreds, perhaps thousands in many outright as well as unseen ways.
A pic of me from the New York Times conducting Outreach & Testing... in Manhattan!

          Being a visionary ain’t easy and I’m not even trying to be cheesy. I now write and I’m cool with that. There’s a ten year old that wants to spend more time with me, also a child waiting to be born into this world with my genes attached, therefore hope for many reasons resides here!  With assistance unseen from the divine or concrete such as the amazing support and compassion shown from my fiancé, I can only be thankful.  As this gentleman sitting across from me offers to assist with plugging up my laptop, with my legs on “Damn,” mode, although there are troubles in the world that piss me off, I can only be hope-filled and seek solutions within my reach.  We can all shoot for the stars to say the least.  We can plot and plan throughout all of life’s twists and roller-coaster turns. What matters is how he choose to go forth with we are left with, how to handle the situations presented to us, whenever and however they come on a plate or platter.

take chances yet choose wisely
          When given an unbelievable opportunity or a stroke of insight which benefits, we are encouraged by others to “run with it,” like a wide receiver that instead of running far with arms wide open, took the hand off and the yards he could take.  When we sense the tide rising or falling we have but a few choices; stay there and deal with the waves, which will pass, swim, paddle or boat to deeper water so we don’t get stuck in the mud or get the fuck out of the water, period!  Some folks have opinions which differ such as “I wouldn’t have been in that water in the first place,” adding, “I don’t know what’s in there?”  Why be afraid to get a little wet, I mean, it’s bound to rain some muthafuckin time so… live with it and enjoy what life it brings.

          This reminds me of a dream I had the other night. In the dream I was visiting a community of folks that lived on the water, on a river somewhere:

          As the dream changed quickly from good times and laughter to immediately dreary, the water soon rose, causing massive flooding which some could not escape.  The owner, or elder in charge of one property, which had its own dock, had the task of what to do with the bodies of the deceased.  He did as his neighbors did and tied and wrapped up his deceased loved ones one by one, letting them float with a small weight attached to their legs so their head barely touched the surface, at least until the waters receded.  As I swam in this dream, yes I had to swim in the flood waters at one point; I remember small bubbles being around each of the submerged bodies. I have yet to pull the meaning from this realistic dream but it’s all good in the hood! Now to do a poem for y’all that had courage to read and get back to the task at hand, completing my book.

Thick murky waters rise ever so high regardless if we can swim
In a places that for the decisions we have made
Refuse to run dry
As toxic refuse floats along with lost dreams
We once again look for answers and a way seeking refuge
Amongst real folks, those strong with deep foundations and dry land
Realizing mistakes must be made we..
Building businesses, relationships and friendships upon loose shifting sands
Then we wonder how it could have happened
What must have I done wrong if any
Prolonging the electric change we are meant to create as well as participate
Knowing hard lessons learned, hold as much gold as money earned
Perhaps then we will learn to plant in better soil or
Swim up river where the waters are fresher and
Dig the foundation of our houses miles away from
On higher ground from the levels of the seas
For, we will arise, standing up proud with integrity held and dignity
Seeking no pity whether we are tall or broken down to our knees
Praying for justice some can do while
Others build differently each for the heavens for that hardcore miraculous substance
Building and moving mountains where others meager foundations have failed
Materializing dreams into reality, making believers out of the most hectic of skeptics
Showing the many ways in which having faith prevails

The Tides

Tuesday, October 9, 2018

An Odyssey of Creativity and Wisdom Day 15

one thousand words daily
Acorns under a tree.  My son was collecting some... to feed the squirrels where he lives. Note: Many large oaks we see were purposely planted by Native Americans, hundreds of years ago, as a food source

Day: 16
patience and the waiting game
             Whenever I am faced with issues and adversity, I revert back to times when I was worse off, in order to deal with the current struggle.  My thought path is usually, “At least… I can remember when… or I am thankful for… blah blah because ya know, things can always be a lot more worse. Remembering the good times as well as the bad ones that were, in my opinion, shittier than the current predicament always has me thankful for just being.  Even while in constant pain, I must admit that I cuss, curse at folks out loud as well as quietly because my take is.. “There is no way that people... are just that damn stupid.”  Then I remember the thing about expectations, which is we cannot expect others to have the same values, morals or expectations as we have.  That would be insane and unrealistic of me.
Another ER visit.

perception of things
            Yesterday, upon waiting for the nurse to discharge me from the ER, after her offering Motrin, a pain reliever which does nothing except make my stomach upset and piss me the fuck off, I forced myself to look on the brighter side of things.  For one, my headache was almost completely gone! So what if I didn’t have the right tools to combat a migraine the next day because for today, I will live J.  Although the ER previously had my medications on record and were able to assist me times before with such pain issues, there was no reason for me to get all bent out of shape over it.  My previous train of thought would be to blame my primary care physician, the healthcare plan or insurance that I’m under, or the laziness and lack of professionalism of the doctor as well as the ER staff.  This time I just said to myself, after I left of course, “I hate Tracy, this ass-backwards small town of a city that I’m currently in, while looking forward to better times and brighter days. 
            I had to rush after I got out of the doctor to pick up my wife to be to also feed her as well as the baby to be.  I called my son to let him know I love him and to encourage him to have the best day possible while trying his very best at everything he decides to do.  Exercising my writing skills, even while a bit drugged up, I was able to write one short article for The Candid Chronicle about Hemp in Wisconsin as well as begin a blog on Trumps Secret Marijuana Committee.  I was afraid, especially with nauseousness from the migraine and the meds that I would be rendered useless. I even thought my pregnant woman might need to drive our big van for me. 
I was trying to capture this bee with my phone but...

... it kept doing this cool acrobatic shit.

high hopes and aah-hahs
            With patience comes many things such as insight, rewards in knowledge and wisdom.  Wisdom is only gained when lessons are filtered through a proper lens and learning occurs.  I await this child to be born into not just a healthy-loving environment but also into one where it has little wants and needs.  Love is in abundance in this new family of three and although my own family didn’t jump for joy when I mentioned this pregnancy, I am fully aware of the opposition that comes with expectation, judgment as well as lack of understanding, regardless is miracles are involved or not.  I just want my woman to have the best pregnancy ever and to be the happiest she has ever been.  When it comes to my happiness, I’m happy rest assured that she has everything that she wants and needs, especially for this new miracle of life. 
            I say miracle because she was not supposed to be able to have kids.  She had a procedure done.   I truly believe in the divine and in providence, God, Allah, Yahweh, Jehovah, Jesus, whatever you choose to call your Almighty, Higher Power.  I am answering my callings, my God-given talents, and that is an understatement.  When I say that “I am exactly where I am supposed to be,” is difficult to say with everything going on, yet I understand it fully.  I know that there is more for us out there, as our dreams and daily realities remind us of it in hints and blessings.  The smile I get, filled of unconditional love from my woman I love is nuff assurance that I am on the right path and the messages and love I receive from my Higher Power solidifies my faith and exemplifies my wisdom furthermore.
            Just know that no matter where you are in your walk of life right now and how far you have come, that there is always something more to explore, something new to learn and some amazing, positive experience worth sharing with another soul.  Although there are many things we can in no way control, some pain so deep that it is hard to console, things can be done with the right outlook, the right push, the right amount of faith, yes, and mountains can be moved.  I guess I’ll write a poem for you too.

I hear that large sets of wings sometimes fall from the sky
With no attached body or bird and they still don’t know why
Some believe that future generations now lack the magic
Once tragedy hit, striking the wrong nerve
Some feel as if the future is lost to those which do not deserve
As failure is digested along with progress
Where dreams once sprouted fresh
Now are left poisonous seeds of neglect, pollution and regret
For power is presumed by no real earth movers or soul influencers
Tide breakers stand in the waters firm while the man-made storms spin wild
Although it is costly not to notice the violent storms which brew from within
So we blame and banish instead of feed and nourish, we take for granted
The hearts and lives which require as much love as we do
Ain’t shit soft about telling your child you love them or
Playing dolls with your daughter
There’s nothing more ambitious than dancing with children and laughing repetitiously
For their happiness, safety, solitude and artistic attitude turn into our riches, instead
Nations of those have failed, cop out for the dollar and turn into punk bitches
Taking it up the ass with no Vaseline in order for rent to be paid and to “look clean” when
Their hearts and very souls are soiled with filth that even with bleach, cannot be scrubbed
Turning into the monsters they once feared when they were children that cannot be loved
When listening and acting takes just a note, a hug, a taught lesson and a turned jump rope
Oh my oh my, the everlasting seasoning of triumph filled with promise and hope

Resuscitating Hope

Tuesday, October 2, 2018

An Odyssey of Creativity and Wisdom Day 14

one thousand words daily
One day I had to force myself to take a walk for clarity and came upon this olive tree in a front yard.
"Perpetual peace is indicated by an olive branch which the dove brought with it when it returned to the ark."
~ St. Augustine

Day 14:
focus, clarity and the realizations that stuff brings
            I believe in many things. One belief is that all of us would like to live to our full capacity when it concerns doing what we to have a little more after we make ends meet, do what we need to accomplish for self-satisfaction as well as to do what we are meant to in our lifetimes.  I like to think that I am a sort of reminder of sorts, one who guides others towards their potential, kind of like a life coach, except without getting directly paid in cash for it.  I would love to get paid for it but that is now what I have been doing.  Holistically as well as spiritually I see myself as a conduit, an avenue for the growth of others, one who directs, counsels and leads others towards success.  Recently I have found that I am not “reminder,” as I need to be.  In fact I have found that it is I that has needed the reminding.  I need reminders for how to take better care of my physical, mental as well as spiritual self. 
            To be one who is supposed to be carrying the water for the next in terms of nourishment or leading one to it, and being a path/conduit to aid in that flow of richness, to find myself needing the reminding has been a real trip.  Being humbled in a good way is a constant thing if we are open to the challenge of learning, however to slip and get humbled due to unfortunate circumstances, please believe, has its share of surprises.  Fortunately it has been more positive experiences than negative that continue to ground me.  Well, I can look at any of the instances in a negative light however it is undeniable how things happen as well as how things get worked out.  One thing for sure is that entering each circumstance and challenge through eyes of faith has determined the outcome.
In the er again, but they said "it's all good, don't trip, here are some pills..." lol

taking that cautious step back
            Upon helping others with their health needs, I am reminded of how I need to focus on myself in a more serious light and take a stance when it comes to “Exactly what it is I ought to do.”  Trying to inspire the creative side of others as well as in listening better to what others I have discovered, I have recently opened up a new found fire for writing as well as with art.  In taking care of others I have found how I need to be in the healthiest of conditions in order to be there physically (and not die or something) for those I love that rely on me from my fiancé to my children.  Some work so hard in order to provide for the ones they love, killing themselves slowly. Their mental mind state is on edge, blood pressure rises, the body slowly takes a toll and health begins to deteriorate and they become, naturally, by a cold society, bled completely dry and used up to useless for the ones they love.

            This type of drive can be good if focused as well as fed positively yet sometimes this can result in a loved one growing unattached as in divorcing or even sometimes can result to stress-induced early deaths.  I refuse to “go out like that,” and I suggest that everyone find a path that serves as both productive as well as healthy for all affected.  Re-evaluating often needs to happen, reality checks, checking oneself or perhaps simply listening closer to the wisdom from those who care about us. By doing this, focus is regained and perspective is broadened, eyes opened to newer possibilities and/or chances for growth sprout like seedlings awaiting those first drops of fall rain.  To share my personal experience, I find I need to fight for my health and life when it comes to being served in a timely manner by medical professionals, as I have discovered not everyone is as professional as I am or have been in the realm of helping others. I have had to be more than proactive and concerned by demanding what I deserve on all life fronts!
Who is this funny lookin dude?

Son and Pops, the teacher swimming together.

cultivation station… (across the nation n stuff)
            As I have mentioned above, cultivation is something which we should consider when it comes to wholesome lifestyle as well as personal wellness. For myself I have put some water and fertilizer on some talents that I have not forgotten about but have put on the backburner, or for farming and gardening sake, in the compost bin but have forgotten to turn it or add it to the soil already existing.  Realizations occur, such as I have had to admit that in the past I have been too nice, to the wrong kind.  I have also failed to surround myself with the right kind and as a head of a family; this can be a serious issue to those that depend on us.  So as I type this beating out “The Jacka,” my flow is relaxed and I find the proper words to give you the real.
            In prayer and meditation I have been able to focus on the talents and loved ones that need that “watering.” Sometimes when there are clouds ahead that refuse to produce we need to find a good, viable water source and can no longer wait for rain.  I have re-discovered my artistic abilities in drawing, beat making, rapping, writing songs and it’s on.  On top of that I have been waking up from dreams, writing down the ideas as well as have had melodies from dreams on my mind as I wake.  When your subconscious speaks to you and especially when your higher source, whether it be your scientific analysis or for me, God, “you better listen, speak up and answer,” shoooot!
picture uncertain to picture perfect enough for the right stuff
            If we fail to get the memo, the very things we forget will grow like weeds, strange diseases with no seeming cure like an unexpected deadly cancer.  Sometimes separation from the situation and looking at “what exactly it is…” from different eyes can gift you a growing surprise.  Some things we have to let go while others require more focus… and it’s just like that, deductive reasoning with guidance and faith and proper pampering, treating, and action while believing it can be accomplished at its best. How you choose to cultivate depends on you if you need to do any at all.  All I can do now is show you to the water.  Whether you drink the reverse osmosis for your psychosis and obtain nourishment and positivity from it is up to you. Below is a poem for your enjoyment and review. 

Lost souls and waiting ones, spirits that do not yet know the warmth of bright light
Watch us folly and fail time and time again slapping their foreheads in agony and irritation
As we think we are forgotten as others no longer here we can in no way evade from our thoughts
For some, what is not seen is better than the reality they hope to never encounter but
How can we begin to discover what needs attention when we have not lost enough to learn
We cannot begin to neglect the very soil under our feet any longer nor
Can we fail to acknowledge the weeping skies above our lowered heads?
While there lies a balance between ignorance, knowledge, wisdom and what to discern
To acquire not just the nourishment needed for all but
To ignite the passions and gladness that overcomes the sadness and pain that burns when
All we need to do is find the proper water that helps our blood flow ripe through veins
Encountering gold in the streams while feeding the child within that remains
Discovering talents, resolutions and cultivating all which helps us break the mold
Walking along streams with those we care for finding other footsteps in mud and
At the same time floating petals, fresh water for burning kettles and gold for…
Only we can define and appraise what is precious for the heart as well as soul

Perfect Appraisal

Follow me on bloglovin as well...
<a href="">Follow my blog with Bloglovin</a>

Friday, August 31, 2018

An Odyssey of Creativity and Wisdom: Day 13

one thousand words daily

Day 13: a calling and the answer
      When someone knocks on our door, our first inclination, our immediate response is to find out who it is and what they want.  The same goes for when our phones ring.  We have a choice, either to answer or to ignore. Even if we choose to answer, the method and how we do is what usually determines the outcome.  For many, they wait, ponder, and hopefully, finally they choose wisely.  Sometimes the right direction is the only direction to move forward, carrying some form of strength, determination and faith as they answer their callings. 
            Although it might seem like a simple answer for some based on hobbies, interests, skills and obvious, noticeable talents, the path to finding your own niche in life and way of being, your purpose can prove difficult.  For others, finding and answering a “calling,” as to put it takes courage, direction, responsibility… the most valuable concept related to Hope called Faith.  First off the best start to doing something that might possibly seem different than what others are doing, especially if you are a firm believer in it is getting to know yourself better, your likes, dislikes as well as recognizing the gifts given to you, not in physical form but mentally as well as spiritually.

           I chose this picture, simply because I like Redwood trees and wanted to get in a few macro shots to see how it would turn out.  My decision was self-pleasing however in touch with one of my callings/gifts, which is having an eye for photography.  My decision to charge the battery and purposely seek something I wanted to capture on camera served multiple purposes.  These purposes are in effect right now as part of me writing this blog.  Purpose, in having one becomes more important as an induvidual grows older, seeking meaning in their lives as well as constantly adding meaning and value to the world around them through understandings.

            Personally speaking, getting to know my “new,” self is an adventure, as I struggle to with things I can as well as can no longer do.  Many of the blessings/gifts which I have received, I have to be realistic whether I can do them or not.  Shiiiiet, I’m struggling now just to stay awake to type these ‘one thousand words daily,” in the library, as I’ve been slackin on my days, out of gas as well as money for food to eat.  The local church meetings have supplied us with food each day, as long as I have enough gas to make it there.  Many gifts I have, discernments, skills, talents all God-given gifts to share with others now need to be on hold.  Now tell me… what do you do or say when divine hands reach down and give you a gift(s) some would kill, even die for?
erase doubts
            Automatically we question, trying our best in our understanding, to determine whether or not this gift, these gifts or calling is meant for us.  When told and conditioned what our possibilities lay, by brainwashed teachers, clergy as well as workplace supervisors, we can often “pass off,” what is only meant for us to receive, as “noo, that’s not mine.”  Sometimes a co-worker, supposed friend or family member takes what you’ve shown them and decides to run with it as if the idea was solely theirs.  Oftentimes individuals intercede in what you are meant to do by interjecting what they believe you should be doing with your valuable time.  Sometimes we might not feel as if we are in the right financial, social place, or state of mind to reach the set accomplishment, even when it is us with the dream and us which ultimately sets the bar. 

            My choice is to slow down on these here “one thousand words daily,” blog posts in order to focus more of my time on book projects that need to be completed.  Another choice I am making is in seeking out known magazines and periodicals to write for, something which generates some reasonable income.  Things are different when your calling is simply help others and life in general in many capacities, when it is yourself that needs help and your life that needs to be saved.  The good news is spiritually, I feel better about exactly who I am and physically, I have learned to accept that I might never again go on a long hike, climb mountains, and that people are what and who they are, that empathy cannot be persuaded or taught, only modeled. Having high expectations is a good thing, especially for ones’ relief and wellbeing however it is unrealistic to expect others to magically acquire the same values, morals and habits as you have, no matter how long you have known them.   

how do you answser?
            How do you answer a calling and how do you know that you have been given one?  This is a difficult question, although I’m not going to look anything up to help, just shoot the shit as I often do.  I recall a couple of times when I received a questionnaire, which helps determine which job path that you would be better suited for.  I recall, as I was asked to give one of these to some homeless youth I used to counsel, how narrow the results would be.  In other words, I quickly noticed how there were so many professions and jobs left out of this fucking survey, that not only the kids, but I was also a bit pissed off and discouraged.  I remember that it felt like a huge waste of time and effort and that if anyone truly wanted to help, they would counsel each kid, look at their strengths, weaknesses as well as their priceless dreams as viable answers to who they could possibly become in the work world.  I was recently told to do this by one of my family members and the only thing they were concerned with was… “Did I make the appointment?” 
            How we answer our calling is completely up to us.  What others perceive of us is solely up to them. In some instances a calling might come creeping out once you find a task or skill that you wouldn’t mind doing for a very long time.  Oftentimes a calling you receive can be a solution and benefit to others as well.  I am told that when given a gift, we are to share the gift with others, especially if it brightens their day and helps improve any facet of the quality of life they seek to gain.  If you have faith in the unexplained, then sometimes calling you get can come to you in waves of gifts or discernments, ways in which you excel as a human being; for instance, drawing, photography, building, counseling, public speaking, writing or a knack for engineering and fixing things.

            One way to answer a calling involves a bit of trial and error however, when you are sent a task and you, yes you seem to be the only one able to do the job, that is one clue.  Another clue to your calling might be a natural ability that grows although you feel as though you have not practiced or polished the craft of which you are working. A way to ignore a calling is to refute everything about yourself that you know to be true and undeniable.   By knowing yourself, you may be able to direct your life-path, not just simply upon what “feels good and right,” but what you know to be right within yourself.  Although others might notice a change in you or hype you up about some amazing ability which you have that they have seen, only you know if that is what you are supposed to be doing at the moment, and for life!  Some pray to get a sense, asking their higher power for guidance and direction while others prefer aptitude tests or simply ask others to help them fulfil their niche by hiring them for the occupations and duties they desire. Poem posted below…

I am told that under bridges that are both unseen and visible
Lurks creatures with ghastly features waiting to cross our desired paths
With many holding no weapon but book, the only sword, yet no small knife to stab
But grandma and grandpa knew well, the way of opposition just as
Old wise folks, which still hold tight to childhood and teenage dreams
That in no way will allow such priceless things such as imagination to perish
Using their valuable time to spend with the able youth we see and teach truths
Although their time being vigorous has passed
As stories are enthusiastically told about the times and memories they still hold fast
Trying desperately to gift the armor they have once used in love spoken not abused
Telling us that a bridge does exist no matter what desired path you choose and
How to shove that sword strategically and deep into that bridge-troll’s ribs

Under Bridges