An Odyssey of Creativity and Wisdom Day: 9

one thousand words daily

                

Day: 9     giving your everything – the dangers and the joys

     It was two years ago, around this time, growing season in Humbolt when a friend of mine... downloaded an episode of this interesting cartoon laden with adult humor, a cold satire on the human condition known as “Rick & Morty.”   I had just walked up the mountain from a plot I was managing and long, hot day of farming, popped open a beer that was handed to me, as I exchanged for some I brought up from Chico’s cabin. To my surprise on the screen, were giant bald heads, with butts on the opposite side saying “Show me what you got?” As it turned out, Morty and his twisted grandfather, Rick had to music battle with other planets in order to save ours or else the giant heads would blow up planet Earth.  Luckily for us, when we “show them what we’ve got,” when it comes to relationships, family and the workplace, we don’t get blown up.  Unfortunately, sometimes when we give all that we have got without recognition, acknowledgement and thanks; it can sometimes feel as though our whole world crumbles around us in a sense.  We can end up feeling emotionally as well as physically exhausted and used.

             The pictures I chose were from a trip up north (one below at Sacramento High Times Cannabis Cup) I took to say hello, thank you, as well as to show my future wife where I was working, right before my life-changing accident.  My goal was to show her the beauty of stuff, especially since the stories I told about here sounded quite hectic as far as how I was roughing it and stuff, in the great outdoors and all.  I wanted her to smell the freshness of the air, see the sun shining through the trees and smell the bay trees as I have.  I knew she would appreciate it and I was right.  In the photograph up top you see me picking some of the last of Chico's Elephant Garlic for her.  She loves garlic!  When you love someone so deeply you tend to want to bring them into your world and share all of the things that make you smile.

titles

            My last two jobs, I called myself a cannabis consultant however I did so much more than any scope of work or job title could define.  Due to the fact that I was undervalued and taken advantage of by both companies I helped to build, I gladly resigned from both.  “This was not the compassion that I was first met with in the industry,” as folks in the beginning talked the talk but no matter what I said or how much I tried to convey and educate, they all refused to walk the walk.  I realized that you cannot force a soul into a demon, that some are just not wired to think differently.  In many instances, it doesn’t matter how hard we work, what we show them, or what we do for them, because their intentions and expectations, whether realistic or not will always supersede yours.  This is especially the case amongst those that for some reason or other, place themselves on a platform higher than you.  Religion, upbringing, community, class and yes... racial background have everything to do with these misconstrued assumptions and preconceived notions of hierarchy.      

placing value
              Recently I was sent a link for a position by my former business partner and after much thought and evaluation, I told my fiancé straight up that, “you know, the last thing I want is to give my all just to be undervalued by another white man. My heart just can’t take it anymore.”  Let me first explain that most black folks are taught at an early age to be five times as smarter and work five times as harder, because we have to in order to get ahead in a “white man’s world.”  Women suffer similarly from a primitive patriarchal society and way of thinking yet without the same judgments and stereotypes, undervalued.  I’m not even sure what kind of heart issues I currently have, as my cardiologist is still running tests but as a health educator I know enough to know that my heart is not as strong as it used to be and that even with a healthy diet and exercise, that high stress alone is a determining factor for strokes and heart attacks.  Do I regret those years in San Diego helping “big nose” build his business and his dream instead of going for mine as a writer? Yes I do!

know exactly what you’re doing, where you are and regret not

            Time can in no way be reversed and I know that I could have been a much more attentive father to my son instead of shoveling out all of my ideas, insight and skills trying to make the next buck, for another person.  I don’t regret everything as I have learned much from every experience but I fell back into a hole with the next position, where corporate guys saw my insight, took it, built their company, then pressured me when I didn’t jump how high they wanted me to.  It didn’t matter how much I knew or how right I was.  This is one mistake that I will never make again! I will never again be taken advantage of by anyone… or undervalued!  We cannot change the way people think nor influence the way in which they were brought up.  You must, by all means, know what you bring to the table, know who you are and know your worth!   If you have no clue, a muthafucka whether corporate or not might tell you exactly what they want you to be, what you are… and pimp the fuck out of you.  “Just being real y’all.”

            Most people’s values and morals solidify as they approach their high school years and by example, we learn how we want and do not want to be.  Some look at their parents thinking “Heck no, I’m going to be opposite of that dipshit!” only to end up kind of just like them.  Isn’t it amazing how genetics plays into things? Although genes are strong, we all possess the ability to break cycles.  There are cycles of abuse, lack of communication, drug abuse, and cycles of physical as well as mental violence that each person had a choice in changing. 

your will
           It is up to us to want different, seek different patterns and act upon those “Good vibes,” that we want to see in others, by giving positivity ourselves. When we approach a new friendship, relationship or job, how we deal with people and how much of ourselves we offer often determines the outcome.  In some cases in the beginning of a relationship or job, you might not want to put all of your eggs in one basket, so that you can pull out a golden egg later. For instance, in some beginning stages of friendships and relationships, you might want to keep it spicy and keep surprising the person with new things about them that they don’t know. Another reason to withhold personal info might simply be to establish trust, as to see their “Staying time,” in other words, how genuine they are and what their intentions truly are. 

            When you are in a serious relationship it is important to show the other person who you are wholly, so that there are no false ideas or expectations that come up.  The last thing you want is to be with someone that doesn’t understand you or know you.  In matters of the heart, it is better to be an honest open book, water the heart with conversation, love, exploration, ideas, share your dreams and hang on for the ride.  We can only expect to receive what we give right, so “show them what you got!” and take a chance with being yourself and genuine.  Show them the nice things that make you smile and treat them the special way in which you also want to be treated.  It’s a trip me sitting here typing basically “the golden rule,” of treat others how you want to be treated but I guess we are declining in morale and as you might have seen and experienced, some might just need that kick in the butt of a reminder.

            In the workplace, especially with a new company, you might not want to give them all of your secrets upfront, as they could capitalize and use them for their sole benefit, while you could be left with pennies.  In other instances you might want to speak up if you have a certain desired skill so that the job position or opportunity does not pass you up. We must all decide how far to go in every established as well as unofficial relationship we have whether it be professional or personal, at work or at play.  If whatever decision you make compromises who you are as a person, how you function or makes a negative impact upon what you believe, you might want to re-think that to save your soul, gain some insight and perspective.  Feeling as if you have lost part of yourself or have wasted priceless time is no way to feel, believe me!

            If there are regrets, what would you do different?  Have you forgiven others and yourself for the choices that you have made?  Have you ever, either intentional or unintentional, taken a proverbial shit on someone else’s dreams or completely shafted someone because the position called for you to do so?  Sometimes self-reflection, looking at that “Man in the mirror,” like Michael Jackson, or woman in the mirror can lead you towards an unexpected change in thinking, goal setting and even shift the progression of success that you previously sought by opening up your eyes to a new way that might perhaps be better for you.  My hope is that everyone simply thinks about what I write and that everyone from here, by simply paying attention will seek a more quality filled existence, something that they can go to sleep at night as well as wake up, feeling purposeful, wanted and complete… regardless of what goes on outside and behind other walls.  Let us put on our favorite song, not give a fuck for just one moment and have a ball! 

         This was a picture we took in front of Chico's cabin. RIP Chico, the Legend! Miss you man!