The Update: In Spite Of

   

        I could never be a politician, at least not in a perverted, unjust system.  What I can do is relate to you a means within reason or many ideas befitting mankind under any sun or season.  As I am a conduit, a reminder, poet, philosopher, friend, healer and sage to many who know the truths in what I say as well as what I do.  I do not profess to be any different than I am, for I’m just a man, a dude that likes to write with ideas and dreams.  I write to simply encourage others to think and continue learning, to give hope, to remind those that might have forgotten to dare the impossible, to dream where others considered hope intangible or perhaps lost and above all to encourage others to live without judgment, without fear. I know that things we fail to understand happen around us constantly and I know firsthand that amazing, I mean incredible moments, in life and within people exist. Yeah I believe in miracles and shit… and yeah I cuss sometimes.

        For many reasons I could be dead to the world, even without breath yet for some stroke of reasons we cannot comprehend I’m here to continue to pimp this pen and write like a lunatic. The picture above was from last October where I was in an induced coma due to so many surgeries and a hospital visit that lasted a grueling month of my time.  Since then I have healed much and have done like I said in one of my poems and posts and have succeed to "Write Until My Pen Drips Dry," well I've done it twice.

   

 I’m not perfect and I have vices, problems like anyone else. For instance, without migraine meds because my new neurologist is trippin, at this moment I had to stop writing because I was feeling really nauseous. I’m forced to make some oatmeal when what a brotha really wanted was fish N grits, or some eggs, sausage n shit.

        I’m thankful for just having oats and as a self taught chef I’m thankful I can put a little spank on it and season it with fresh ground cinnamon, honey and perhaps a bit of honey-roasted peanut butter squeezed from the machine. Usually I’d toast some pecans or pumpkin seeds and put it in the mix “hamma, they put me in the mix,” but, but my stomach doesn’t have time for that. No time or circumstance granted where I can truly relax. Learning to properly walk is another task in itself, for I'm glad that although with cane at times, that I can.

         I’d like to do some cool things like be a motivational speaker and even interview Mc. Hammer about setbacks, triumphs and an in-depth view about what success means to him but for now, enjoy reading from this guy, a little controversy, conspiracy and of course hope which can go a long way.  Hey, where I’m from, we learned to stretch out what was given to make it last, whatever it was. I’ve continued to write without a computer, using this phone and have re-starting some projects that were once already written and ready for the printing presses. I encourage everyone to show love where love is shown and to try their best in spite of the stresses. So let’s not neglect those that mean something to you, even share a story poem or two and let’s pray or hope for abundance and make it last. Here’s a thot, I mean a poetic thought for those that like poetry.  A little background on me, I started poetry from rapping on the corner of Michigan and Fordham in my hometown the of East Palo Alto. I like to pun, I like to have fun and I promised all of y'all I’d write about Love or at least something more upbeat than our current state of things.

Persistence lacks anything resembling lazy

As distortion clouds minds and substance

Through circumstance and time

We have learned to live with judgment

We make a way within our means

As teams of opposition creep

Demons interpretation of what we can

Forces us to stand upon weakened limbs

As life we are taught to take unapologetically

So we find many survive on lies and while

We constantly seek light knowing

Believing things could be different only if

Chance were clear on surface and

Purpose is seen in the stare from innocent eyes

We confide in few and through it all

Especially in hard times, we ride

Becoming sharks we, circle smelling blood

Taught harsh realities that there is few love But…

Remember love does exist in the damnest of places

As roses rise from concrete as Pac says and

In my hood it’s dandelions spreading seeds

Although we call them weeds instead

As minds grow stronger with muscle stretched

Those that mean something don’t feel neglect

Our intellect increased with paper earned

Realize having compassion is never going soft, merely showing concern

Thus we gain respect and ankles once shaky

Become flexed, stronger and nimble

Faith is the substance that sticks to ribs

As fear overcomes many like tides and floods

As if It Were That Simple

Blame The Black Guy 101: A Crash Course

"They tell us we are all citizens, that we were born in this country. Well a cat can have kittens in the oven, but that doesn't make them bisquits."
              -Al Hajj Malik El Shabazz aka                                            Malcolm X.

        Politics for me has been quite easy to understand for one stark as well as sad reason. As a Black man, I was born into politics, bred and bled into the sad political atmosphere we all know to exist today.              
        From the moment we are born into this country and given a social security number, all Americans, not just Black Americans are considered a "Unit of Production." For my political education I was given a boost from my community as well as family to survive any political irelevalance or as I say political incorrectness I might face against me. For this reason as well as others found in the history of oppression and togetherness, I hold the idea of Community and Family that much more dear.
        This is simple blog about what it's like to be a Black guy, any more dissection of the facts might prove too difficult for understanding, although factual, or perhaps too difficult for some to digest.
        From birth my education exceeded and superseded any following messages that were thrown at me, for one, I was taught that Black is Beautiful from the git and my father tells me of two times I was affected. My first preschool, where the teachers punished me and we're mad that I could count very far, yet did not know the concept of zero, I remember well. My mother ran a daycare before she chose to leave at age 4 1/2, and I learned reading and arithmetic early. Yet that one day in preschool it escaped me. I remember my first school crush was a White girl with reddish blonde hair named Magan however I didn't know until a teenager that I had asked my father what a Nigger was, for I was called one multiple times and that was the reason he removed me from Palo Verde in Palo Alto and enrolled me in the Schule, a great Afrocentric approach to education.
   
        The second time I had an issue with what we know today, taught as "Race relations," was when a young friend of mine, a little girl, as Black as any I've seen told me that she was not African. I had a serious issue with this at age six, as I knew all people of the diaspora coming from the continent in slave ships are indeed African, a blanket term used to identify a people whose region of ancestry, culture and language was not apparent, in the Black American's case, raped, stripped and whipped out of. Not to mention the millions that did not make the cross-Atlantic journey of tears with sharks trailing ships. Note: sharks still follow large ships til this day, as the atrocities were so herrendous, we, the Black People are embedded in their DNA.
     
        My folks Justin Hunt aka JustBlack from the San Diego based rap group Boon League and fellow academic from Spring Valley Middle school relates his experience as "the only black kid in the class" in a recent post, as he tells the readers, pleads with them not to respond with the escapist yet supposedly inclusive jargon of All Lives Matter.  The fact that he has to ask many to try to have more understanding and compassion while he relays his experience of racism in school is a learning lesson in itself, a reality which expresses our sad political state, which I have coined "The Saddest Political Satire," yet I know of other peoples as well that have experienced extreme injustice, violence and death, many still, just for the simple right to exist. Ours however, the Black struggle is one that affects all of humanity, as we were chosen to be one of the key ingredients in our good ol' American Apple Pie, yet we are in no way American, in fact, we are more, more than any definition placed upon us!
     
        In my upcoming book "The Key to Seasoning Life," written for young Black Men as well as anyone else that wants to revisit how to be the right 🌟 Shining Star of the Party, Job place or Institution, I will address in-depth these ways that we all can achieve to be the ultimate key ingredient for personal fulfillment and success. Now back to the subject at heavy hand. How is one to present themselves with opposition and prejudice? Kaepernick learned the hard way, yet he chose an honest route while uplifting the community around him.
     

  

        The church I am taught was used as a tool of of oppression for blacks, to, "get them back in line," and "remind them of their place," as slaves and servants of an elitist racist society however my experience with an institution which is supposed to teach "Brotherly Love," as Christ himself teaches us was non-existent. As a young historian, I've added some of the earliest dipictions of Jesus Christ, the one that teaches forgiveness and to turn the other cheek. Natually I have learned forgiveness yet a man with my sharp memory can never forget!  I was 9 when my mother forced me to go to church, something she once, as a former practicing Buddhist, told me I did not have to do.  I once received Gojikai and was a young Buddhist at one point, visiting a Large Beautiful temple with monks, and as the congregation from a Buddhist breakoff church called NSA, my leadership qualities were observed and used, as they wanted to teach an 8 year old a song to encourage the younger kids to "receive Gojikai" and something called Shakabuku. I was a skeptic, to everything and everyone, wanting to know why they were praying to a box with Japanese words which no one knew the translations for or questioned themselves.
        With my name alone Sekou Black, I became the head as well as the butt of many jokes in and out of school, yet when asked what my name meant, I would proudly look them in the eye with a serious stare telling them "Wise Leader," so when I was forced I mean indoctrinated into Christianity, I was solid enough to grasp what Jesus Christ meant and my knowledge of the Black struggle helped me understand the Sacrifice portion of the teachings at Mt. Erie, the church my step dad at the time went to. This marriage and what entailed with exorcisms in the household and other madness, which is hard for many to comprehend is another story.  I have found sanctuary in nature as well as the power of prayer, for I would not be here without it.
     
         I was with my best friend Josh at the time when I fully encompassed and tried to accept the White church with White idea of Jesus, as I understood the base of it the megachurch at Faith Chapel in Spring Valley, yet was surprised when the institution based on "Brotherly Love," kicked me out for throwing a basketball at the hoop, after an asshole by the name of Tom, blew his whistle at a faith youth group Bible study. This was not my first experience of "Blame The Black Guy," as I learned, also with Josh at Bonita Valley Christian, how this type of blaming was normal, as I was kicked out of the youth group there and told not to return for allegedly "lieing," about winning a game, where we were tasked with carrying an egg on a spoon while the spoon was in our mouths across a grassy section of the church yard. I won yet one student, a white student, as there were few Black kids there, insisted that I cheated. Did Uncle William or other church members come to my defense? No, as it was a social status thing, and the same bullshit pastor did not show up to deliver the eulogy at Josh's mothers funeral, as I was pall bearer in the place of the Men, relatives that were either too weak or not man enough to assist with the task.

        I can recall, as I was coming into my manhood and had my Cutlass Supreme at the time, the way in which I was kicked out of my friend Max's house, as his mother, Debbie whom I now lovingly call Aunt Debbie, used to blame me for things he as well as his other roommate, a "Sharp," skinhead, not to be confused with the neo Nazi assholes, would eat food not belonging to them. Awakened at the time with Debbie's classic and very funny scream of "Son-of-a-Bitch," I was blamed and asked to leave, only to find sanctuary with Josh, a guy forced to take care of his racist sister since teenager, since his father left them after his mother's death for New York. For starters I was just thankful that I had somewhere to go both times. All people mentioned in this are better and very different people, as growth happens at any age when a mind reaches realizations and heart is allowed open. I was only 20 at the time yet a young leader in the place where I worked, landing me tv spots and news reports from the programs I started to help At-Promise, as I like to say instead of at-risk homeless youth at SDYS, as I was promoted to Core Outreach  Worker, helped design a curriculum to teach HIV/STI awareness and was known in the streets and San Diego community for my methods and persistence for helping those in need.
     
        At this time in my life it was hard for them to point fingers and I quote "Blame The Black Guy," as I was making their institution look good, yet understood how important it was to be the "token" of success, as my friend Max explains it, I was the "Well Spoken Black Guy, as his uncle told me." Today I face other challenges, as without being told directly, it is my fault for being in a tragic accident and having to deal with messed up realities with current disabilities, as my father is at the end of the line and wants me out soon so he can enjoy his life, something which as an adult I can understand. Like a child not asked to be born into this world yet having to wake up everyday to harsh realities, I didn't ask for any of this, yet fully man enough to understand and take it all in stride, as I have everything else.  I thank my community in East Palo Alto, my large extended family as well as those who share similar blood for who and what I have become today. I thank my wife to be for for her help and encouragement everyday,  for her recent experiences have had a harshness as well. Who knows where we'll be in the next few weeks, yet if interested, tag along, sing a song, have an ice cold drink or some type and enjoy the ride...
     

  Babies coo in recognition of love received

As grown men get no reprieve

Where is Lady Justice?

Where found it is just us that we need

In strange lands filled with hope

False senses of progression

Where agression and injustice is all well

Where the coldness of hearts can be felt

Screams from innocent 

Bounce off of walls in blood-curdling yells

Ancestors from all sides weep, turning

As caskets grow moist from dead tears

First Nations know tears as we trail also

On paths knowing no fear

Choked by ropes we once braided

Words in slave songs do not sound elated

Playing the part for masterful role

 The sick art of greed and control
As we, people also desperately hold onto Hope

While young bronze children firsthand

Learn the sad list of demands and grow

Stronger with testament 

The true weight of the precious soul

Hands clap with hope which once knew neglect

For the moment innocence left

Was the moment they choose to acknowledge the disrespects

Clarity, Gifts & Dreams: A Quest for Sharp mind & Sharp Everything

     Usually it's not me to let time go by, important dates to pass without saying something pungent. Oftentimes it's a political or inspirational post. I let Malcolm X's Birthday go by without saying a thing.  I was stirred to post something about the recent hangings and disembodied black men in Mississippi and other things but life has me by the horns. I used to write to help inspire others, to give hope where hope is often lost or forgotten yet I think this is my last post here since no one reads it or comments.  I guess writing for self is as good as it gets, a way to vent frustrations, to tell myself "Alright then... Shut the fuck up now!" But we all need someone that listens. 

As I prepare my inkstone to write with many of my fountain pens, I reflect.  With my bank account at minus $1 and no food to eat, since I'm newly disabled all over again and have no food in the fridge, I know other than planning for greatness I must plan for a retreat.  My fiancé has moved in to help me out and one of my worst fears is not being able to provide for her and keep her happy while trying to be a father... But time is up and Pops wants his house back. A little computer work here and there barely works to pick up slack. Job search for both of us is difficult with super slow internet, an Obama phone and an ungrateful nine year old disrespecting and saying all of the wrong things.  I think I recently put fear into him by "tellin it like it is," the best approach for folks that refuse to see reality and be "woke!" He doesn't understand many things, as he chooses to shield himself from a reality of harshness. He loves that his hat matches one of mine.

     I decided to take him on a trip to my hometown of East Palo Alto, where we were supposed to celebrate Mama Nobontu's 70th Birthday but instead ended up "on the block," waiting for promised gas money from a friend I let lend some.  This was not a happy day for me but made the best of it, visiting with local friends and youth I used to mentor.  I can't stand going on a mission for nothing, especially in my position with all of these real life circumstances.  We were hungry this day, we planned on eating at the Birthday party, ended up making him food late when we got home.

     No poems fresh to post this time yet I've always got dreams and hopes.  On a positive note I've organized some writings and future books of mine to work on.  I'm applying for jobs although I'm seeking disability and I remain focused on finding "A Better Way," I mean, I must remain diligent and I must keep this everlasting fuel called Faith.  With a strong spirit and sharp mind I stay determined! 

A Blog Forgotten

Take this smile and know, that somewhere...
there was some parent beating back harsh winds and praying back forces we can't see with our naked eye, for all of the battles that they themselves knew they only had strength to endure and tomorrow they only held hope, yet no cure for the ugliness they knew was soon to come.

I'm the type of guy that would never let a controversial holiday go like May 19th Malcolm X's Birthday, Memorial Day or day without some sort of uplifting, muck-stirring, or heart-wrenching post about life well, my own has had it's share of ups and downs and my focus has not been in social media or the media. Now as the winds howl shaking the last fledglings from their nests and our loved ones are comfortably in their beds drifting hopefully into a well deserved rest, I think of so much as seasons pass.  I drive pass old stomping grounds like Coyote Point, see friends from high school and my old street in East Palo Alto and begin to see how much things change yet stay the same.

I think about the slaves, my educated parents in their old age and all the dieing bees I see at the beach on the shore at the end of their life's journey. I think of the first nations, the Native Americans, broken promises, my ancestors. I think of my own responsibility of protecting my son and the things and people that have pass and come. I think of my short comings as well and the ways I've been experiencing heaven as well as been living in Hell. All of us experience many Unspoken Battles, however within we see and begin to know many Triumphs as we seek and are also offered solutions, given Victory and begin to carry with us the Hope Which Prevails.

I watch old flames die out as new ones re-kindle and start a blaze such as Louie, Jelly Brooke and their new bundle of joy as they both got recently married and decided to start a family together.  With difficulty comes breakthroughs yet with heartache I've witnessed love and birth with friends Michael Boris and lady Natalie as they just had a beautiful baby Summer Rose. I see a post about my friend Leon about his son passing which tears my heart, I can't even imagine what he's going through. All I can do is pray and offer help. My friend Jabari calls me a few weeks later telling me his lady is in labor. When the time is right I offer to swing by although an hour away or so drive to at least see the child.  Today I see a post that Mr. Gurley, a respected elder and minister in the community has passed. He was a very loved man and very kind to everyone that came by his home that was respectful. I appreciate him and he raised his children, my friends quite well.  There are two weddings coming up, which unfortunately I cannot make.  Good news is a friend's son who was in a terrible accident like I said was in is home now and is doing great. The power of prayer people! I just found out my childhood friend Antwon and his wife just had a healthy baby girl on Memorial Day so a big congratulations to them as well.  We must create the conditions wherever we see fit, no matter the weather and strive towards excellence and for those priceless smiles.

Some days we are called to do more than what other days require. Sometimes we don't know what that is or what exactly we are capable of yet we do it, we rise to the occasion, stand, demand, meet and conquer the challenge with an unknown courage and with a strength within that we sometimes question the source.
Many things remain uncertain for us still however, if there is chance that tomorrow you are granted opportunity to rise to greet the sun... or the clouds and cough loud the n do so and be a little bit proud for the battles you've won. Just sayin!

Shifting weather patterns confuse men
Like women whose ways stay mystery
Although we create what we overly consume
What words have already been written
As paths have already been chosen and
Words that have already been dangerously spoken
While we wait no more for hearts to feel pure or mouths to be fed we
Wait no more freedom to come or for cozy bed we
Struggle til hustle becomes us completely
Love til understanding engulfs our meaning deeply we
Have got no choice left but to salvage for us in savage storms so
I open my arms when the clouds come
When the wind blows wild my heart races to catch up and
Rain is the welcoming of a new beginning
As summer comes to a Spring ending
Death sheds it's shroud softly as wedding bells ring in new destinies and
We some of us are left still with struggle yet
Nothing close to heavenly
We are told we will rise above, tougher than nails
When rains still make ground fertile
Battles are fought yet we are left with
The Hope Which Prevails

Congratulations on being a new father also Stoner Sowell!

Get Right 101 aka "Git Rite 101"

Let me try to entertain you with a little word from the wise with what those I know refer to as a little bit of "Git Rite."
Step 1: Begins with a preparation of a meditation to "Get Yo Mind Right!" Whether it be spiritual, meditation or even some choose relaxing herbal medication, which with some mouth watering munchie persuasion would lead you to...

Step 2: Diet is super essential and important, as if we don't get this right and get our bodies in balance, our whole focus might get thrown off. We must seek wiser food choices whenever possible and available, farm fresh or close to. I know first hand how difficult how hard it is to eat healthy and maintain a healthy lifestyle, especially for more than one, but we must Be the Standard of Excellence, The Example of Solidity and Solitude for our children for they have nothing else. If we want for our families and communities to feast we must provide the nutrient-rich atmosphere in every aspect, Especially for Black children. Who else are their real heroes...Obama? Jesse Jackson, Michael Jordan?  Please!! Let me continue this Git Rite Session before I teach y'all a completely different lesson.

Step 3: Excercise of body & mind.
I glanced at these stairs at Mt. Helix and thought. "Hell naw!" And did I go up those steps... "Hell to the naw," but I did work my way around that hill with my cane, I do know my limits, I was much too sore from other stair climbs other days and I had my fair share of excercise. Today while I went to the store I had to choose like everyone has to, mine was whether I walk all the way to the other side for the motorized cart or walk to the back of the store, which is probably the same length. When it comes to other situations in life, we must choose. The song "Ooh child Things are gonna get a bit easier" came on and hit home like a ton of bricks. I had a plan and I acted. Even when it comes to what we show others and how we excercise our minds. I bought some books recently off of Amazon, with intention to share them with my son and my pops remembered them from when he introduced them to me as a child. Time to order more!

Step 4: Plans & Actions, Implementations With Foundation- Chess is a game my son has learned to play well, as he has retaught me with a strategy of his own.  We must use the strategies that best work for us when figuring how to succeed for ourselves and our families. A great destination might look nice but a solid foundation will keep us strong in the long run.

All struggles come to an end and all things hard to see come eventually into light, so when we're given a second chance, the opportunity to dance in the rain once again and to succeed and achieve where once we've thought we have failed, we must give thanks for the triumph. We must then...

Step 5: Prayer, Give Thanks Session, Debrief, Celebrate!! Acknowledge that you have made it this far, that there still will be storms ahead but that you have reached your milestone!   And with a little bit of Hope, Faith & that fuel that moves mountains that can't be explained we begin to see where we're going a bit clearer and bring those we care for along for the journey. So begins the quest for a new beginning for the next Baldwin, Carson, or Eldridge Cleaver but I'm more of a soldier of a writer, not your average smooth sailing of an avid reader...are you game?

Both people and spirits knew also
To steer clear yet it wasn't fear they said
Once he came along
Mind focused with a game plan
Known to cut you or take your head off
Where you stand playing your favorite song

Walkin on solid ground
Man don't mess around
Slaying hell hounds and demons
"We've seen 'em"
Cries the child's with bright eyes
As babies can't revoke their grin and
Animals once untamed loose control within
Men from grains and cloth aren't like this
"They don't make man like dis no mo"
Says Sweet Maybel halfway out her bliss
Then she remembers a man she almost loved
Around the edges a little soft but much too rough and
What needed to be done by many
When times were nothing close to plenty
Back then felt a little much like it do now
Instead of Whole foods and Albertsons
She had a mule and a plow
Perhaps solutions this fellow will help draw nearer
Straight to the point with no bullshit
As she prefers her water...
Like sky after the fog dissipates...
                                 Clearer

Solid Ground

Choosing to hit the back country roads like I used to and introduce my fiancé to old pines and manzanitas I used to walk through as a child I find instead a graveyard of remnants of a forest holding on from fire and drought. I then think of the redwood tree and yucca plant and how a little fire never did too much harm, one having thick bark to resist flames and the other needing intense flames to help it seed.

Sometimes after the intense firestorms that engulf us or harsh storms that destroy everything in their path or ones that flood our realities and scatter our focus, we find ourselves searching for solid ground to once again build a strong foundation. One question realistic, sometimes cynical question we raise is "foundation on what?" considering what we know and what we have just previously experienced. It helps to be positive, always looking ahead, while reaching into the places, people and teachings that kept you solid thus far to carry you into the next season of accomplishments. I know many shy from religion however I use stories from all cultures to convey the message. Are you familiar with the story of Noah and the Arc?

Noah sent off a crow as well as a dove to check for himself as well as perhaps give his people hope that they could soon leave the Arc after a long journey.  First the dove 'found no place to set her foot,' and returned to the Arc. After seven days he tried again and at night the dove returned and in it's mouth was a freshly plucked olive leaf.  Oftentimes we find ourselves needing to lean on a whole lot of faith as well as empirical evidence of what has worked for us, family or even ancestors in the past. Sometimes we have to revoke all false hopes, cut all loose ropes and secure more solid lines in turn leaving some ideas, habits and even people behind however, more in focus and in tune with the path we were originally meant to walk in the beginning.  If we look close at our situation like this photo above with the building, we might notice that we are already close to top of the world and that promise... see that rainbow in the distance? Sometimes we don't see the blessings in forms when the winds raging against us and we're simply trying to move forward and sometimes we do and we're still overwhelmed. 

Throughout my own battles, storms, automobile accidents and stuff all I can do is recoup and give thanks. I've found myself close to where I began, around the same networks of individuals in the SF Bay Area where my foundation was rooted and started. I attribute my knack for ingenuity aka hustle, Game and my solid views on life from everything I was taught as a child up here, raised by Street Scholars and Revolutionaries seriously. My foundation was in rapping on the corner of Michigan and Fordham and at Jack Ferrel park with friends or in the back seat of a 68 cougar parked in a garage full of smoke, but tonight I'll leave you with a poem and try my best to keep it short. Some folks though have little strength left, are too broken or tired, or just might need a little prayer, push or hand up... so my next blog will be Get Right 101 because some of us need some "Get Riiiight!" (MacMall song in the 90's)

He clears his eyes of the dust stuck to his lashes

Brushes off the rubble he sees on his shoulders

As he finds the thoughts to piece together 

What his eyes now sees and

What he knows to be real

As he witnesses two small unidentifiable creatures run on fours disappear from sight

This house he was sold was young he was told

As he heard after the first rains the walls Creek

Then seeing the sight of the paint weep and mold

Deadlocked into decisions Deathslock of an incision yet destruction is nothing new to him

No stranger to struggles, mind is his muscle wisdom within and he knows...

Although the building wasn't made firm 

There is still bedrock to build upon below

Bouncing Back

And I will rise up like an eagle, spread wings freely and dare to gaze into the sun!
Bouncing back if anything should be a subject I'm quite familiar with and should have no problem talking with you about right? Truth there is, is no certain, particular way, nor formula for doing it.

If I could mold my soul into the essence of those big little silicone and rubber balls I give my son, I wouldn't have an issue with bouncing yet the courage it takes for us just to stand in the middle of the storm when weight is upon us
 can be overwhelming.

Life has a way of shedding light on things and definitely on adding to character, which I've found much of which attributed to my accident and the way in which those I know have changed around me.  Perspective and the the grounding of a person's morale nature are what keep them solid. I've gained much in the perspective category I believe. Solidity, come see how solid I've become! Unfortunately I can't say the same for others as I've watched relationships change and crumble during this difficult time, marking a definite clear path I'm meant to walk, with a deep foundation!

Bouncing back for me takes courage! To look people in the face, to demand your place, to fight for others while fighting for yourself... takes courage and lots of it. Folks question my intentions and actions constantly, test my seriousness and ability to come through and perhaps whoop their ass as well so yes, up out of this wheelchair I am!  Yes we might loose things or things might get taken from us (Loved ones, I almost lost my life in October, all of my things and writings n laptop stolen last week) but we are bigger than things and our circumstances. We are life! It takes courage to press on into the unknown for what we don't expect can occur, yet Faith is what will carry us to safer waters and beautiful shores and Hope in the smile from an innocent child is the fuel that will get us there.

Determination

                                           

                                                                     

Some roads, we know exactly how we've ended up there. Often times we are called to make dramatic leaps of faith, sometimes without knowing how strong of a foothold we'll end up on or without knowing how much ground we might gain.

We often pull from whatever experiences or teachings that best suit us when making decisions that can affect our future yet whatever wisdom we have gained is put quickly into action as the tasks of living demand.      

                           

What is it about you today that makes you that much more stronger than you were yesterday or perhaps a day before?  What is it that makes this hour much more crucial than the same hour at the same exact time yesterday?  We ourselves find ourselves questioning, when we're in a crunch, pressed with the responsibility of caring for another, even when we feel as though it is us that need the help and begin to question if there's anyone else better suited for the task.

Well me, for I can say my reason is right in season and nothing far from divine. Taking action, I chose to see it not as a task, but as an adventurous journey, like yearning for learning... how to walk, eat, whistle, and then perhaps the ability to jump and run for a second time.  When given a second chance, sometimes we're very much caught up in the funk of the moment, too stressed to see the offered solutions or that someone on your behalf have already paid restitution... for success I have found is the best retribution! And love the most available and effective remedy.  How will you rise?

As I take my son to the movies and facetimed with him I see the innocence we miss. I see the simplicity as his smile stretches Infinity and mine hangs short with a realistic look into the camera of "You better make this work, for him or else!" Sometimes we can be our best friend however often we become our worst critic and worst enemy.

My determination I find is not only fueled by the smiles I have seen but for all of the promises and smiles yet to be seen. For all of the awesome experiences he will choose to remember as I as a boy have many I chose to forget. Determination for me covers so many things, as I'm determined to put this book into many languages, as it took bravery and determination just to get it done, as I am determined to have at least one full night of sleep with little pain and make my woman smile forever and never weep. It is difficult to remain determined with hard factors against you but you must! What are you determined to do? What fuels you?  I will dance again someday when my legs are able, I will hike mountains with my loved ones, no... I will move them! I've left a poem below for review, it's been awhile.

What indoctrinations or statements 

Could transform me into a monster?

Mindless sentinels conduct tasks

Much too dirty to do alone

Perhaps too greedy to lend a hand or ask

 As questions we ponder without action

Asked if we'll jump at the gun

When evil is conjured we evade

Like a high-speed chase of the soul

Not knowing that by not standing...

We are leaving room for bad contingency

For the enemy to grab ahold

Much like a child breathing harsh existence

With no love, arms or love visible to console

So damnit I've managed to give to live

So I what I've got

To be there through the storms

Although the ground often feels shaky and Walls, they fall down and rot

As I find that the position I'm placed in

Is nothing short of amazing

While I incorporate everything I love

Crafting it magically for the love of others

Once pacing with worry and heartache

Now evil runs to escape & the fake stutter

Using the fuel of what remains in dreams 

Going hard never soft yet forever I'm gentle

Praising the Creator for gifts given

Reminding that love is alive and has risen

Never again masking myself for 

The ill-prepared and takers of truth

Passing on wisdom with purpose

Without concern yet accountability as it hits them

Building an ever-deep foundation for us to learn to dwell inside and live in

Those once controlling will hope I have forgiven them

As we begin with the task once thought simple

The priceless cost of a smile and

The empathy to understand another soul

Passion Detrimental